Infertility Awareness BBQ

It's that time of year again... Infertility Awareness week and the annual Victoria Fertility Clinic BBQ. I really wanted to attend, even though I knew it would be a big day with four hours of total driving time for both kids and me being just 3 weeks postpartum. DH was working, so I roped my 19 year old sister into coming along to help chase my toddler and off we went. The weather was not co-operative, so they held the event indoors but had it very well organized to accommodate the approximately 350 people. It was so nice to meet some new faces and see some familiar ones as well.  I didn't have much time to chat or catch up, and it kind of felt like a blur, but I'm glad we made the effort to go.  After a slow journey back with multiple stops and a chorus of crying overtired babies, we made it home in one piece, so all in all, I consider it a success.

I felt like a bit of an imposter there at times walking around with my new little guy. I guess I awkwardly straddle the infertile and fertile worlds but don't truly fit in either one. I know it's not like my kids have a big stamp on them saying "IVF" and "DIY" but all of the clinic staff and my counselor knew our story. The acupuncturist wasn't in the loop, and she did a double take.  One woman I sat next to had a 7 week old baby and commented that she is aiming to have another one as soon as possible and she as glad to see it was possible. She asked me if I had to get a new referral and if there was a wait to see the doctor again. I am terrible at telling lies, so I fessed up and came out and told her that my son was a surprise spontaneous pregnancy after a convoluted journey to have our daughter. I felt incredible guilty at that point, even though she seemed happy but surprised to hear my response.

They took a group photo of all of the kids that were there. I noticed that some of the people who attended who are still in the active treatment stage found this extremely hard. Kudos to them for attending in the first place. Just a couple of years ago that was me. That feeling of wanting a family so badly but not being able to have it is still near and dear to my heart. I guess I still relate to the infertile world better that the fertile one in that regard. I don't know how it could be made any easier aside from reaching out to help support others in their journey, wherever that may be. They had a petition for IVF government funding and some fundraisers for people who need fertility treatment because of having cancer. Every little bit of support counts. It's such a great reminder of why I truly feel like the luckiest woman alive to have two beautiful healthy little children in my life.

Photo (from Elements of Health Centre) We are in black and white on the floor in the lower left corner:

Free Hands

"You've sure got your hands full" is a comment I hear so frequently and it kind of rubs me the wrong way sometimes when the tone is a bit judgmental.

Yesterday we went for a walk as a family of 4, and my daughter was busy collecting treasures (rock, leaves, and flowers). She loves to carry them all home in her little fists. Some older women passed by and said what else but "you've sure got your hands full". My husband responded back that she would carry home the whole beach if she could fit it in her hands, referring to my daughter and her paws full of collected treasures. We were talking about it during the rest of the walk and he didn't even realize they were referring to us and not our toddler.

I realize it's just an expression but it does start to get a bit tired after a while, especially when I've literally got two free hands. So, I've started playing a little game with it. There is a  group in town that collects baby carriers and wraps to loan to moms who don't have the financial means to purchase them. I said a while back that if I had a dollar for every time someone told me my "hands were full" when they were actually not that I'd have enough to supply every mom in our community with a baby carrier to keep her hands free. So now when I hear that comment I silently donate a dollar to the fund on behalf of the stranger making the comment. If if's someone I know, I teasingly give them one warning but if they say it again they must cough up a dollar. Since Kai was born 2.5 weeks ago, I've raised $ 22 -not too bad.

I prefer to think of it as one friend suggested -my heart is very full but my hands are free a lot of the time and I wouldn't want it any other way.

Mother's Day

I posted the following status update on my Facebook account this morning:

"I feel so incredibly fortunate today to be a mom to two beautiful babies and to have a mom in good health. Not everyone is so lucky -remembering those sisters on Mother's Day too."

I know how heartbreaking this weekend can be when you would exchange your right arm for the opportunity to be a mother. What made it easier for me during those times was to focus on my own mother and celebrating the day for her. I can't imagine how it must feel to have lost your mother. My sincerest thoughts are with these incredibly strong women in my life this weekend.

On a lighter note, Anika coloured me a card and picked me "dandies" and daisies on our walk this afternoon. We had a family brunch at home and Kai napped while DH fed Anika dinner so I could lie down for half an hour. These are honestly the best gifts a mom could ask for.

As I type this, I can hear DH on the monitor reading Anika her bedtime stories. She spontaneously decided to change the wording of one of her books tonight and I thought it was rather fitting:

(The answers according to the book are "goo goo", "boo hoo", "yum yum", wah wah", and "night night", but I think Anika's responses are actually more accurate!)

What does the happy baby say? "Mama"
What does the sad baby say? "Mama"
What does the hungry baby say? "Mama"
What does the cranky baby say? "Mama"
What does the sleepy baby say? "Mama"

First Days

I am holding a sleeping baby while my toddler naps, so have a brief window of time to start writing a blog post typing with one thumb on my Blogger IPhone App.

So, how are things going as a mommy of two? So far so good. DD is surprisingly more settled and happy than she was right before DS arrived. We'd done a lot of preparing her, in hindsight perhaps too much, and I think she wasn't quite sure what it would mean for her. Now that he's here she is happy to have us both home more, and extra attention from gramma and grandpa. She is incredibly gentle with the baby and is very affectionate. The only unfortunate thing is that she caught a cold the day he was born, so we've had to be really vigilant about keeping her from spreading it to him.

I have been out for a couple of walks in our neighbourhood with them, but haven't ventured out anywhere else yet on my own. Maybe next week.

I've believed in baby wearing right from my DD's earliest moments. I used my ring sling most with her, and our Beco carrier (similar to the Ergo). With this guy it's not optional -it's out of necessity to be able to manage even around the house doing simple tasks like lifting her in or out of her crib. I've now got a baby store array of various carriers and am experimenting with wrapping techniques using 5m long pieces of linen. I also find I'm using the ring sling most often as its so quick and easy, and I can nurse in it.

It's only happened a few times when they both needed mommy at the same moment and I wasn't able to do both things. DD is learning to wait, and DS is even a little more patient when he starts rooting, and milk isn't right there. He finds his fingers and that tides him over momentarily.

For now we seem to be falling into some patterns and managing. I'm so blessed to have relatively easy going babies and family around for support.

Ok my thumb is worn out. Signing off. Thank you for all of the posts, emails, and well wishes!

Our new arrival

Kai Nathan Silver was born last night May 2nd weighing 7lbs 10 oz and measuring 19.5 " long.

His birth story is quite uneventful really. I started making a pizza for dinner last night at about 6:30. Kneaded dough between contractions until they became 4-5 min apart. We had just put my daughter to bed, so called my mom to come over to stay with her. We arrived at the hospital at 7:30, luckily my OB was the one on duty. They checked us in and things progressed really quickly from there. By 9:30 I was starting to push and he was born at 9:58 pm. My DH later went home to get the pizza that I'd started making and brought it back to the hospital. Pizza never tasted so good! We were discharged home at 9 am this morning.

My daughter came to meet him this morning and is staying an extra day with my parents while we get settled in. She is enthralled with him. He's already figured out his latch and is a content little guy. So far so good.

Some Last Minute Stuff

OK, I'm 2 days from my due date and now the old cervix is now 4 cm dilated and 80% effaced. I'm getting pretty uncomfortable, and can't imagine going another 2 weeks if it comes to that. DH finally packed his PJ's, toiletries and camera in the hospital bag last night.

I have been terrible about doing belly shots this time. I think this is my 3rd one. Anyway, here it is and we also managed to squeeze in a little photo shoot last week with the beautiful spring weather.