AF Wanders Off

30 June 2010

Ok, I asked for it. AF arrived Monday, and after I told her she'd be sleeping in the tent for this visit, she got upset with me and started giving me the silent treatment. She then went AWOL all together last night. Feeling anxious about this sudden disappearance of my normally reliably regular visitor, I had to go for my day 3 clinic appointment this morning without her.

The RE did another ultrasound to investigate her disappearance. The lining of the one lone ranger follicle that ovulated the egg last cycle is taking a little longer than it should to breakdown, and so that's why AF is playing hide and seek. They call this a persistent corpus luteum cyst. The cyst continues to secrete progesterone beyond the usual 14 days and this keeps the endometrium from fully shedding, although it may slough a little (explaining the light flow I've had in the last couple of days).

He said it isn't a problem to continue with the IUI this cycle but he wants me to wait a couple more days before starting the medications. I have to go for blood work (FSH, Estrodiol, and Progesterone) on Friday morning and if that looks good I will get the go ahead to start my injections that evening. Fingers crossed!

The injection teaching went well (I didn't have to stab myself today though, just into a sperm shaped beanie baby LOL). The Gonal-F is all in a preloaded pen so it's quite easy to do. I bought the first 3 days worth ($500) and will get the next lot when I go for another ultrasound early next week.

The RE answered some of my questions about the low ovarian reserve (with my pants on in the office this time). He doesn't think it is a huge problem, and does still think I'll get pregnant, and should be able to have more than one as long as they are not spaced too far apart. There were lots of little antral follicles there on my u/s this morning, so he was very happy with that (wouldn't give me an exact number, but said there were plenty). He thinks because of this I will likely respond to the injectable medication, and IVF would be an option if the next 2 IUI's fail. He stressed again that high FSH in a younger woman is an entirely different problem than high FSH in an older woman so not to go too crazy with Google He figures I'll probably start menopause in my early 40's like my mom did. There is a test for Antimullarian Hormone that can help predict that, but he said it won't change his treatment plan for now. It might be something to consider before an IVF cycle.

So now I've got a search party out for AF. Hopefully it just means she is getting senile and got a bit lost when she went for her walk, and needs some directions. I've put away the tent and made room for her in the house so she can be comfortable when she gets back. Oh, there has to be a way to resolve this dispute nicely.

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AF Writes Again

27 June 2010

My dearest great niece,

I am once again nearing my next visit to the Island. With summer approaching I wanted to make my visits with my lovely niece and nephew-in-law slightly more frequent. I know it has only been 25 days since my last visit, but the sea air beckons. I did receive your last letter and the small claims court notice of eviction, but I’m afraid there must be some mistake. I know you don’t really want me not to visit you anymore.

I again used the stork postal service to deliver my letter, but as you requested I am having them deliver it to Babies R’ Us Fertility Clinic instead of directly to you. By the way, I wanted to let you know the latest news the stork told me. They are running low on babies because of a low stock of eggs from the supplier. So the good news is that he’s got lots of time to deliver my letters.

I'll see you again very soon...
Sincerely,
Auntie Flo


Dearest Florence,
We desperately need a break from your visits. Since you have not respected last month’s final notice of eviction, we will be stepping this up to mediation to try to resolve our dispute without litigation. Our team of experts in this field has advised me of your letter, and impending arrival. Please be advised that we will be stepping up our efforts a notch for next time to try to access the limited supply of eggs. I hope you don't mind daily injections into your abdomen. Don't worry the side effects will be minimal.

We’ve got renovations going on in the house, so all we can offer you this time is a tent in the back yard with a camping mat and sleeping bag. The other option would be the neighbours who have teenage girls. When the girls aren’t out on dates with their new boyfriends, they would be relieved to see you and thrilled to put you up for a few days.

Regards,
Your great-niece Silver$

Another Saturday Morning at the Lab

26 June 2010

I am feeling PMSy today and my pee on a stick gymnastics this morning =BIG FAT NEGATIVE so it looks like this IUI cycle was a bust. I trucked off to the lab to do the obligatory beta to confirm. When I arrived, I noticed my friend’s husband was also there waiting for a lab test. He smiled and waved so I figured I should be friendly and take the seat next to him. When I handed my forms in at the counter, the woman confirmed my details and that the requisition was for Dr. Hudson. My friend and her husband went through fertility treatments and have a toddler now and another one on the way, so I know he is aware of what is going on for us. Talk about awkward. We chatted for the next 45 minutes about everything other than lab tests. Finally it was my turn. The lab tech greeted me with a big smile and asked how long ago I’d had a positive home pregnancy test. When I told her I had a negative one this morning -she looked confused, I explained that I had a fertility treatment 2 weeks ago and this was required even if I don’t think I’m pregnant. She took my blood and then told me that the Dr. should have the results on Monday, so I could call the clinic next week some time to find out if I am pregnant. Yeah, thanks. Just waiting for old Aunt Flo to come now.

The Spot Check

24 June 2010

I’ve become obsessed with my toilet paper. I make more frequent trips to the washroom than I need to just to do the spot check. Who knew that there could be so much involved with checking for spotting. So far for this cycle there has been no spotting yet but I'm on the lookout. Usually it goes something like this:

Whew, safe the TP is clear. Wait a minute, is that tinged slightly pinkish, or is that the lighting in here? Oh nuts it’s getting darker. It’s still early enough to maybe be implantation spotting. OK, now it is red and a panty-liner is needed. When do I pick up the phone and call in my day 1? Oh, looks like it’s stopped again. Google spotting and pregnancy -lots of women spot in the early stages of pregnancy. Ignore the rest of what the search turns up about polyps, fibroids, and gynecological cancer. Conclusion -spotting means nothing conclusive.

Call the clinic. They ask when your period started. Well, um that’s why I’m calling, I don’t really know. You describe your toilet paper adventures at length. The nurse concludes -just spotting. You can feel her rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone -how can a woman who has menstruated for over half her life not know when her period started? She says to call back when you get a real period. More TP checks. Oh when does this end? After AF, it moves into checking the cervical fluid. Oh, that looks like egg white, no maybe not it’s too early to ovulate. Oh, maybe that is ovulation spotting? Around and around it goes.

BFP Dream

22 June 2010

Well, I'm more than half way through the 2 week wait for this first IUI cycle. I could be pregnant, chances are greater that I am not, but heck why not just pretend I am -it's way more fun than crying about my dwindling egg supply. I produced one lonely follicle, which I have nicknamed the Lone Ranger. This past week I decided to look after my little eggie very well. I have taken it easy, caught little naps here and there, and put my feet up when I felt like it. Hubs did the majority of the housework -oooh I could get used to that! When the eggie wanted little treats like ice cream, fruity iced drinks, and chocolate, I satisfied her every request. She got out for a daily walk with friends and had two acupuncture sessions this week. On Saturday, I took eggie kayaking -she sure enjoyed that.

So, all this pretending to be pregnant made me have another one of those BFP dreams last night. You know the one, where you pee on the stick early in the morning and two dark pink lines show up immediately. You excitedly wake up Hubs and start picking out baby names together. Everything seems so perfect until you wake up and realize that you are still a BFP virgin. You might even get up to check the bathroom counter to make sure you didn't get up in the night to take a test. Nope, no luck there either. The funny part is I've actually dreamed of taking a home pregnancy test more often than really taking one. It's a wonder I haven't wet the bed yet! In two years I think I've maybe taken 3 or 4 HPT's and each time my period arrived about an hour later. My scientific conclusion to this experiment was that peeing on a stick has a direct causal relationship to Aunt Flo showing up. I'm just not an early tester, and I don't think I ever will be. My beta is scheduled for Saturday June 26. I will take a home test that morning just so I can be prepared for the news when they call with the results. Until then me and the Lone Ranger will hang out and spend some quality time together whether she met up with a suitable sperm-mate to penetrate her or not.

Reggae Sunday

20 June 2010

It's Sunday, and Hubbie and I always play Reggae on Sunday mornings. Last Sunday we were driving down to the clinic with Jimmy Cliff playing on the CD player. Incidentally, my car was broken into a couple of months back and the thief took Nora Jones and Dido, but left Jimmy Cliff. He must have known that I needed these lyrics to keep me going on this lonesome road of TTC. Interestingly, while googling these lyrics I discovered that he has an album called "Another Cycle" (1971). Here are some of my favorite lines from the man:

You Can Get It If you Really Want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
You can get it if you really want
But you must try, try and try
Try and try - you'll succeed at last

Many Rivers to Cross
Many rivers to cross
But I can`t seem to find my way over
Wandering I am lost as I travel along
Many rivers to cross and it`s only my will
That keeps me alive

Hard Road
I've got a hard road to travel and a rough rough way to go
Said it's a hard road to travel and a rough rough way to go
But I can't turn back, my heart is fixed
My mind's made up, I'll never stop
My faith will see, see me through
Oh the river gets deeper, the hills get steeper
And the pain gets deeper every day, yeah

Sitting in Limbo
Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the tide turn.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
So many things I've got to learn.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.
Sitting here in Limbo
Waiting for the dice to roll.
Yeah, now, sitting here in Limbo,
Still got some time to search my soul.
Meanwhile, they're putting up a resistance,
But I know that my faith will lead me on.

I don't know where life will take me,

But I know where I have been.

I don't know what life will show me,

But I know what I have seen.

Come Into My Life
Come into my life, come into my life
Come into my life, oh baby
Come in today - come on in - come in to stay - come on in
Come into my life, oh baby

What is Infertility?

18 June 2010

 

What is Infertility?

Ask a doctor and they will tell you that medically if is the inability to attain or sustain pregnancy after one year of unprotected intercourse. Enough said. Point closed.

Ask a person experiencing it, and they will tell you that it is so much more than that:

• Physically it is years of tests, procedures, pills, and needles.
• Emotionally it is one of the toughest roller coaster rides of cyclical hope and devastation you will ever experience.
• Mentally it is a hard concept to grapple with. There could be a reason, or no reason at all.
• Romantically it changes your your sex life, and your own connection with your most intimate body parts.
• Spiritually it challenges your belief in a higher power, in fairness, and in what is meant to be and not meant to be.
• Socially it is an isolating and terribly misunderstood problem for something so common that it affects 15% of the population.
• Politically it is debated and debated and change is glacial.
• Financially it is incredibly expensive and can rapidly drain your life savings with no guarantee of success.
• Biologically it is the potential lack of passing on of one’s own genes.
• Ethically it pushes boundaries in a number of areas that you never previously thought you’d need to go.

This permeation into all aspects of life is why it is such a difficult diagnosis. None of us are here because of the first reason, we are all here because of the latter 10 (or more). I used to believe that as soon as I got pregnant, I'd get infertility amnesia. I now know that even if you “resolve” your infertility by getting pregnant, adopting a child, or living child-free, you will always carry a little piece of infertility with you for life.

Toddlers Tell All

16 June 2010

I met up with a friend for a walk yesterday. We started TTC at around the same time. She now has a toddler. The little guy is such a reminder for me of the "what if" it had happened quickly for us? He’s so cute I just can’t resist him though, and my friend is so supportive. I think the kindest thing she’s said to me on this journey is that although she won’t ever truly understand what it is like to have IF, she knows what it is like to want a child and to want to be a mom. Anyway, the little one looked up at me, looked me straight in the eye, and called me “mama”. I brushed it off and commented to my friend that developmentally he is at the age where every woman to him is a mama. She said that actually he’s never done that before. He did it again a few minutes later as he handed me a freshly picked wildflower. She said “he must know that you are meant to be a mama soon”. How sweet . It’s hard to resist the urge to steel him and take him home with me. This little man has learned early on in life how to make a woman feel better -flowers!

It's All in the Cards

15 June 2010

After receiving the devastating news of the low ovarian reserve this weekend, I am frankly overwhelmed by the support I received from everyone here, and from the friends and family that are in my inner support circle. How do people cope when they keep everything private? I now have people lining up to come to the clinic with my if Hubs can't. Soon I'm going to have to get them to take a number! I also have a kind offer from a friend who has recently done the injectables to come over to help me get it right the first time.

I took yesterday off work as a "sick" day to collect myself emotionally. Hubs cooked dinner, took care of the flat tire, and did the laundry. I took a nap (I guess sleeping from 11pm to 3 am is not a good way to feel rested). I also went for a walk (for the record clinic: it was a gentle stroll) with my friend and her 4 month old adopted son who has been down this IF road before. After a lot of crying, I feel better today. I think I'll be able to hold it together to be at work with all the belly rubbing pregos and other people's babies.

Sunday was all about shock and disbelief, yesterday was purely sadness, today I'm actually quite angry that nobody listened to my concerns and questions about this before, and that the news was delivered while I was in the stirrups. All normal phases of grief & loss, right. Hopefully soon I'll come to the acceptance phase. These are the cards I've been dealt. Even though my deck is smaller that the normal 52, it's all about how you play them. They do believe that I still have some of the highest value face cards to work with. We just have to be more strategic in using them wisely.

Thank you also to whoever it was that reminded me that I am PUPO -wow, I've never been that before! Maybe, just maybe, my one ace of an egg has been fertilized and is snuggling in right now for a 9 month nap.

One foot in front of the other. If today I can focus on getting through today, then tomorrow I can focus on tomorrow.

IUI and a Bombshell

14 June 2010

We sped off yesterday morning for the earlier than expected IUI. I was so nervous I drove through a red light about a block from the clinic. Thank goodness it was Sunday morning and there weren't many people on the road for me to mow down. When we arrived, it was strange because there was nobody around at the clinic except for another couple in the waiting area. Having never been on the surgical side of the clinic before we had no idea what the proper check in procedures were. After the two hour drive, I was bursting to use the washroom and all of the washrooms in the main part of the building are kept locked. I finally asked the other couple where the washroom was and got that figured out. Finally someone emerged from the back and took Hubs off to do his part. Afterwards we waited around again for further direction, and eventually someone told us we could leave and come back in a couple of hours. I still kept wondering why they wouldn't want to have done an ultrasound on me first. This cycle went so much faster than expected and I didn't even get to have a single monitoring ultrasound. My ovaries have not been scanned since before having surgery in March. Oh well, I'm sure they know what they are doing. As the sperm went for their gravatron ride we set off for a coffee shop to kill some time. We joked around about our triplets to be.

Back at the clinic, now there was nobody at all around. Eventually someone came out and took us off to the room with the stirrups. I got undressed and in position. They got the catheter ready and looked like they were all set to insert it. That's when I asked about having an ultrasound to know how many mature follicles there were. The Dr. said of course he would do the ultrasound, but he thought too many follicles would be the least of our concerns. He scanned me and there was one lonely follicle ready to release at any moment. This is when he landed me with the bombshell. He told me that my most recent Day 3 labs were sky high pointing to low ovarian reserve. The early ovulation was a result of the elevated levels of FSH and Estradiol. I know way too much, and immediately knew that this was really not a good thing. I didn't need the chit chat about the world cup to distract me from the pinch of the catheter entering my cervix -I was already distracted enough by this new development.

He thinks that because of my age (32) it's probably not an egg quality issue, but a quantity one, so it is still worth trying the IUI's. The next IUI he wants to move straight to injectables and see how I respond to that. Today's IUI timing was spot on and the sperm were superstars. Maybe, just maybe this cycle will work and I can just be pregnant and be done with it all. Gosh, and to think that this morning my biggest concern was too many follicles and multiple pregnancy!

On the way home we hit something sharp on the road and got a flat tire. At this point I completely lost it and burst into tears. It was Hubs to the rescue to put on the spare. After we got the car back on the road, Hubs insisted we stop for ice cream. My consolation prize was an Espresso flake ice cream in a chocolate waffle cone.

I had a short time to pull myself together for a birthday celebration last night. Feeling crampy and sad I had a short nap on the couch. Later when I used the washroom, I noticed that I was bleeding. Crap! Nobody mentioned that. I guess I'll have to call the clinic this morning about that. Now I need to try to pull it together to go into work today to see other people's babies.

Sorry this is not a funny blog post. Thanks for listening to me whine ladies!

Glad I Didn’t Pee on a Carrot Stick

12 June 2010

So today I took my ovulation test in peace at home. It’s still early on in my cycle (day 10), so I wasn’t expecting anything yet. I actually thought that I might as well pee on a carrot stick today and see if I could visualize two pink lines emerging, that might be more fun. Those of us POASers could make just about anything into a squinter, right? But that would be a waste of good food and with all the starving children in Africa, I don’t think I could live with myself.
So I did my usual POAS gymnastics, dipped the ov-stick, and waited for the result. Wait a minute, that line looks equally as dark as the control. Hold it sideways, up near the light. Hmmm.... must be a faulty test? Maybe I didn’t read the directions right? I better wait the full 10 minutes to be sure. Meanwhile, I grabbed another stick and dipped it in -once again a clear positive result. Where is that special clinic phone number I need to call on weekends before noon. It’s 11:50 am right now! Whew, there it is. Nervous! Um, hello it’s Silverdollar here -I am on an IUI cycle and seem to be having an early surge. I was originally booked for my first monitoring u/s on Monday, but it looks like that’s going to be too late. The clinic co-ordinator took down my name and birthdate and asked if I was planning to use my husband’s sperm? I paused and said, yes, that will be just fine (oops, didn’t mean to have it come out sounding that way!). She took his name and birthdate down too. She then told me she’d call me back with a scheduled time.
Dr. H called me back himself an hour later and asked me a few more questions. He then told me we’d skip the HCG trigger shot, and just head straight to the IUI tomorrow. Whoa! This running race began with a false start and now the sprint to the finish is on. I hope we make it in time!

Ovulation Sticks or Carrot Sticks

12 June 2010

So my clinic has asked me to monitor for an LH surge using ovulation sticks. I have done this before, but always tested in the late afternoon when I got home from work. This cycle, I must test around mid-day so if there is a surge I can call the clinic during their regular hours to arrange for the IUI the next day. Yesterday morning I packed my brown bag lunch for the day and another brown bag to hide away my ov-stick and pee cup before rushing off to work.
Lunchtime rolled around and I grabbed my brown bag and headed for the staff room to chow down. As I was opening my lunch bag I suddenly realized that it was not my carrot sticks in there! Just a little packet and collection cup staring back at me. Oh no! I went back to my desk and searched around but alas, I must have left my lunch at home on the counter. Oh well, at least I didn’t try to reheat my ovulation stick in the microwave. Off I went to the washroom with my “lunch bag” and did the POAS gymnastics that has become almost routine -dipped the stick and waited a couple of minutes for the full result while hoping nobody is waiting for the stall -whew, negative test. Now I had limited time left on my lunch break to actually eat. Thank you Tim Hortons! I guess if I had to forget one of the two brown bags, lunch was the easier option to replace!

Dr. bump in!

10 June 2010

Oh boy, I’ve had some requests for some more funny blog posts. Since I began this cycle, I’m having a bit of a writer’s block. The pressure... where to come up with some new material -and something funny at that!

Hubs was invited to a BBQ last weekend at a buddy's parent's farm (his father also happens to be my long time family doctor I’ve seen for 22 years). Later in the evening I went over there to join them. My Dr. came outside and was pleased to see me. The last time I saw him in the office was a year ago for referrals for all this IF stuff. I didn't feel the need to fill my Dr. in on the where we are in the process of getting pregnant -he gets copies of all of my ObGyn’s and my RE's notes. He can figure it out.

The Dr. then asked how I was connected to the group so I introduced him to my husband. The Dr. said "oh, yes right (husband’s name), I got your test results" there was an awkward pause for everyone around the table, and then he said "it’s good to put a face to a name". My hubs was confused because we had both just gone for blood work that very morning an wondered how the Dr. got the copies of the results so quickly on a Saturday. I knew straight away which test results he was referring to - it was the last SEMEN ANALYSIS done back in the fall!  I got the sense my Dr. was trying to reach back in his own memory banks for exactly what sort of test result it was and couldn’t quite remember. I’m sure if he knew it was a SA, he wouldn’t have said anything. OK, here is where I wanted to crawl under a rock, but obviously I was the only one that really was embarrassed by it, because I was the only one who really knew what was going on. I'm so glad it didn't go any further than that. The conversation quickly went back to world cup soccer.

It makes me wonder sometimes about how in a city of nearly 100, 000 people it can still be such a small town? I too work and live in the same community and run into my own patients regularly around town. Of course we are bound by the same confidentiality rules, but it would be so strange to not say hello or acknowledge them.

Hubs and I talked about it later in bed and had lots of chuckles about how we really could have played this one up and turned it around to embarrass the doctor. What if we had loudly replied “Oh, yeah would that be a SEMEN test you are referring to” “yes, plenty of good SPERM there that’s for sure we know the hose still works and isn’t shooting out blanks." "Now if we could just figure out where to insert it to make a baby?”

The Tea Leaves Told Me

05 June 2010

My mom, grandma, my sister and I have a fun little tradition every couple of years for someone’s birthday, mother’s day or just for no reason at all we go to get our tea leaves read together.

I must preface this by saying that if you know me, I am a very practical, down to earth, critical thinking kind of person. While I do have an active imagination, it is not like me to actually live in fantasy or believe in make-believe. So I always approach these lunches out with a huge grain of skeptical salt.

The first experience with this reader was about 7 years ago. She told me that there was a man in my life. “Oh no there isn’t” I, a fiercely independent world traveler at that point, said. She said “Oh, trust me there is, he just hasn’t made himself known to you yet”. She then went on to describe this young man. “OK, we’ll see about that” I jokingly twirped back. About a week later I began exchanging e-mails with this guy that I had connected with. He was new to the area and we had lots of outdoor sporting activities in common. We started seeing each other, and, well we hit it off, and the rest is history.

A few years later we returned, and this time she told me that there was a marriage proposal in the works. I again didn’t believe her, because I figured we’d probably never bother getting married and just live common law together. A few months later low and behold, there he was popping the question at the summit of a beautiful mountain hike!

Visit number 3 was shortly after we got married. She saw two little boys very close in age that were coming to us soon. OK, this is where the story takes a curve. A couple of years later the children have still not arrived. What happened to them?

So this morning’s reading was interesting. She described this time of waiting, preparing, eating well, looking after ourselves, and making sure we’ll be great parents. She again sees two little boys. She says the two of them are very different little people. One is very rough and ready, and the other has more finesse. In fact they are so different that people don’t think they are twins, but they are going to come together. Conception won’t be as difficult as we think it might be. It will happen without a hitch as the pieces fall into place. Part of the pregnancy will include some time with my feet up, not because of any problem, just because of carrying twins. They are very healthy happy kids. She sees DH and I totally together in this, each holding one boy.

Now the dilemma is, do I tell Hubs everything the tea leaf lady predicted before or after he signs the consent form regarding the risk of multiples associated with superovulation +IUI? Tonight is the start of my meds. I can’t help but wonder if these 2 little pills I take each night for the next 5 nights will magically turn into my two little fraternal twin boys? The rational brain says this is nonsense, while the dreamy side likes to think there is a chance. Hmmmmm....

Back out on course again

03 June 2010

After her hide and seek antics, my AF has officially made her grand entrance, unpacked her bags, and settled right in. I think she was maybe offended by my last letter and decided to play passive aggressive with me. Oooh, this eviction may not be easy.

I waited until later in the day to call in my real Day 1, because I didn't want to have to call back with yet another false start. The same nurse I spoke with yesterday was on again today and took my call. We had a bit of a chuckle about my peek-a-boo AF.

So it's all a go for my IUI cycle. Saturday I do my day 3 blood work and start the Letrozole. June 14th is my first scheduled monitoring u/s. Come on ovaries let's see what you can do!

So, I'm back on course again, but not sprinting this time, just settling into a comfortable pace that I know I can maintain.

False Start

02 June 2010

OK, not so fast -back to the starting blocks again, it was a false start to this cycle. AF made an appearance yesterday and then completely disappeared all day today. I called the clinic this afternoon to ask about what to do and they got back to me saying to ignore yesterday's light flow and wait for a full day of the real thing before calling back with my real Day 1. The blood work, u/s and start date for the Letrozole will be all bumped forward. I am 15 days post ovulation. Yes, I am sure I am not pregnant (I peed on something while waiting for the clinic to call back just to be sure). Oh, it's strange to feel disappointed for my period not being here yet after not wanting it to arrive for the past two years. I guess it is back to the all-too-familiar place of waiting to start cycling again...

On your marks, Get set, GO!

02 June 2010

It was exactly a year ago now that I went to my family doctor to get the ball rolling around this infertility stuff. A whole year of tests, endless Dr. wait-lists, anxiety over the unknown and the what-ifs, hopes with each cycle that this would be the lucky one, dashed hopes when it wasn't, the why-me's, the what gives, the have you tried this or that's, and the comments from others about when will you ever get going on this baby business. After a whole year in the start blocks poised to take off -I was getting a bit stiff!

Calling in my Day 1 to start a treatment cycle was like the starting gun going off yesterday. Wow, things are moving fast now! Someone hit go and we're off and running. It's been so long since I climbed in the start blocks, I'm not sure what event I'm entered in anymore. Will it be a sprint, or do I need to conserve a bit of energy and pace myself for a longer distance event? Will this race be anything I imagined it to be? Oh well no time to worry about that now, huff, puff, huff, puff... just have to keep going -come on legs, work with me here.