New Years Eve

Well, it's New Year's Eve, and it is my due date today. Unless my water breaks suddenly this afternoon and I have a very quick labour, it looks like baby Silver is going to go overdue and be born in 2012. It's starting to drive me a bit crazy everyone asking if the baby has arrived yet or when the baby is coming. I don't know.

I guess this is when we start bringing in all the techniques that are supposed to induce labour. It's kind of funny because they are much like some of the things I've tried before to bring on Aunt Flo. The other night we went out for spicy dinner at a Thai restaurant, followed by a post dinner "treat" *wink wink*.  Yesterday I went for a swim and a really long walk. This morning I went grocery shopping and lifted a bunch of heavy bags. Babies are like AF, they will come when they decide it's time. None of those methods really do anything unless labour is already underway.

So, to pass the time here's some cute little comics that I couldn't resist posting:

 

39 weeks 6 days

It looks like baby Silver is quite happy on the inside for the time being.

I had my appointment yesterday at the hospital and everything is still looking fine with my blood pressure, urine, and meausrements. They did a non-stress test just because I was at the hospital and it was available. The baby was fast asleep at the beginning, but then woke up and did everything he/she was supposed to do after I drank some apple juice. The doctor got called back to the OR, so didn't get a chance to do an internal exam today. I would suspect things are about the same as last week because I have only had minimal cramping now and again since then. I do feel more pressure down there though, and walking around is getting less comfortable.

I also got my hospital intake completed with the nurse.  It was like a firing line of 1000 questions. Of course she asked about how my due date was calculated. "is Dec 31st based on ultrasound or your last menstrual period date?" "Neither, it is based on my IVF dates." Obviously confused, she checked off the ticky box for LMP date, and then asked what the date of my last period was.  I told her that wouldn't be accurate because they manipulate all of that with hormones, but if she'd like to put down something on the paper March 26th would line up well with my EDD. "Oh, well you know people can be quite out with their dates when they have irregular cycles" she muttered. I corrected her that actually my EDD is more accurate than either of those methods because it is based on when the eggs were retreived from my body and fertilized in the lab. I guess I should have just told her my dates were based on my ultrasounds. Sigh... at least my doctor gets it.

My next appointment is in another week if I don't go into labour before then. The eviction (induction) date would be Jan 10th if it comes to that (I hope not).

Made It!

Well I made it past Christmas still pregnant! Whew! It was a really nice celebration this year with both my brother and sister home from various parts of the world. We even managed to get my grandmother up into the house with her wheelchair. She is so smitten with my baby bump. Now it's just cruise along until this little person decides the time is right.

A Little Closer

Another OB appointment today. I reported the response I had to last week's internal exam and he promised to be very gentle today so to hopefully avoid triggering labour right before Christmas. A much more comfortable check revealed that I am now 2cm dilated and the baby's head is sitting another cm. closer to the centre stage exit. My belly measurement is actually slightly smaller confirming that the baby is dropping down into my pelvis. My weight was up marginally and my BP remains at a nice constant 120/70. The Dr's office is closed next week, but he will see me up at the hospital next Thursday for a quick check if I haven't gone into labour yet by then.

I mentioned something last night at my yoga class about hoping the baby would hold off until after Christmas, and the woman next to me started telling me that's why she had planned when they started trying so that they would avoid being due at Christmas time. She was glad she did because they got pregnant on that first month. She was, insinuating that if I'd planned better I could have avoided this predicament. Well, I guess if we'd conceived our baby on the first try back in 2008, that would have been the case. 36 tries later including multiple surgeries and multiple fertility treatments, the last thing on my mind was the due date. LOL, if only she knew how lucky we are to have the opportunity to have a child at all.

So, on that note, I'm fine with having this baby whenever he/she decides it's the right time. It could be the most memorable Christmas yet. Christmas also overlaps with Hanukkah this year, so it's also kind of fun to think of our miracle baby as we light the candles on the menorah each night. Hanukkah translates to "a miracle happened here" because oil that was supposed to just be enough to last only 1 day, lasted for 8 days.

Starting to Dilate...

Just quick update from my OB appointment today. He did an internal exam and said my cervix was soft and a little bit dilated today -just one finger's width, but he could feel the baby's head and amniotic sac when he stuck his finger inside (not the most comfortable feeling!). The head is starting to engage in my pelvis to ready itself for the big exit. He said this was quite appropriate for being almost 38 weeks. It might still be 2-3 weeks yet, but I should have my bag packed and be ready in case it's sooner.

My Crazy Dreams

I had a dream last night that I gave birth with the assistance of one of the orthopaedic surgeons at the hospital. All the obsteticians were busy or away for the holidays, and since orthopedics falls just after obstetrics in the alphabet, he was the next on the list. 

He showed up wearing a tool belt and carrying power tools!  He tried to be reassuring by telling me if my pelvis fractured during the delivery he would be the right man for the repair job. LOL.

Luckily it all went well and I didn't need much in the way of interventions to help the baby out. It was an 8 lb. healthy baby girl.

Embracing Change

Wow, 9 months sure went fast!  I've been thinking and reflecting a lot lately as my pregnancy is drawing to a close.

There will be plenty of things I'll miss about being pregnant:
-having a good excuse to take a nap or put my feet up when I feel tired
-getting treated extra special
-prenatal yoga
-not having my period every month
-hormonal stability
-feeling my baby on the inside
-new and hand-me-down maternity clothes
-eating whenever I want to
-my husband's intrigue with my bodily changes, and talking to my tummy
-dates and dinners out as a couple
-imagining what features our baby will have
-my glowing skin and shiny thick mop of hair
-feeling warm in thin layer of clothes in the winter
-the extra buoyancy in the pool, and how great it feels to be gravity free in the water
-appointments with my obstetrician
-ultrasounds and heart rate checks of the baby
-quiet time to myself

Then there are a few things I've missed and I'm looking forward to again:
-wine, oh how I've missed you.
-soft cheeses and deli treats
-lying on my tummy and flat on my back comfortably
-snore free sleep with a normal number of pillows
-sex in a variety of positions
-using my mountain bike, skis, and climbing gear
-fitting into my regular clothes again
-average sized breasts
-breathing with a full lung capacity
-absence of heartburn
-my innie belly button
-abs
-wearing my wedding rings
-ankle bones and foot arches
-being able to see my bikini line
-cutting my toenails and shaving my legs
-being able to fit behind the steering wheel to drive and fully twist to shoulder check


There are also all the new things to be discovered and learned:
-the experience of labour and giving birth
-meeting baby Silver and discovering his/her own unique patterns and personality traits
-breastfeeding
-how to function on minimal sleep
-coping with hormonal upheaval
-baby care (diapering, dressing, washing)
-play and learning
-watching growth and development unfold
-worrying about the baby's well being and whether I'm a good mom
-baby groups and classes
-having something in common to talk about with other moms
-???? yet to be determined

All good things must eventually come to an end. Change is what keeps life interesting. I'm really looking forward to embracing this next life stage of being a mom -something I've dreamed about and wished for since I was a young girl. When I compare the middle list with the last one, it really pales in comparison. Wine cheese and pregnancy ailments compared to the joys and challenges of parenting a new little life. What an amazing opportunity, and how lucky are we to be able to experience it.

Not Even Close

I had my OB visit today and he figures I'm nowhere near close to going into labour. He is guesstimating early January.

That's fine with me. I still have a lot to get done, and it would be nice to get through the holidays before the baby makes an appearance. It also gives DH permission to make a trip to Vancouver overnight this weekend which I was feeling nervous about.

We also finally figured out why my OB always seems to get tricked when he feels the baby's position and then the heartbeat is on the opposite side of what he expects. Remember my good old fibroid pals -well, with my uterus full size, they are now palpable from the outside and one feels like a baby's bum and the other one a little foot.  Luckily they haven't grown significantly and don't cause me any discomfort.  At least there is no mistaking the baby's head -which is starting to drop into my pelvis.

Blood pressure is holding at 110/70, and I'm the same weight as last week and I'm now measuring 36cm. My group B strep came back negative and urine is still clear of any proteins. All very boring and straight forward.

Back again in another week.

36 weeks

This week marks another big milestone. I am officially done work! Yippee. My body was really ready to be done. Now to get everything done that I'd like to do before baby Silver makes an appearance. I've had to give up driving my car, but still squeak into the van with the steering wheel set horizontally just above my tummy (school bus style). I'm just using it to make small trips in town for those last minute necessities.

My last OB appointment went well. He thinks the mild cramping I've been getting is just normal uterus stretching for this stage of the pregnancy as the baby rapidly puts on weight. The cramping could go on for 2 weeks or up to 6, but if it becomes intense or more frequent to go up to the hospital for a check. While there are no other signs I will go into labour immanently, nobody really can predict when it will start.  He said if I did at this point they wouldn't try to stop it. The baby is fully equipped to thrive on the outside now, just doesn't have all the chub a full term one would.

He did my GBS swab and felt the baby's position -the head is firmly down in my pelvis and likely to stay there from here on in. He doesn't usually start cervix checks until 38 weeks with first time moms. He said it doesn't really tell him much this early, because some people can walk around 2cm dilated for weeks while others are tightly closed until they begin labour. I'm up 2kg since 3 weeks ago, my blood pressure was 110/70 and fundal height 35cm, so trucking right along. I'm on weekly visits for the rest of this month.

My bump is now more of a large protrusion. It's sticking straight out the front and still fairly high. From the side I look very pregnant, but from front on I could pass for chubby. Maybe this explains why some people are surprised I'm still walking around and doing things while so heavily pregnant while others are shocked to hear that I'm due at the end of the month because I look too small to be that close (or the odd person doesn't even realize that I'm pregnant?!?!). I guess it all depends on what angle I present myself at.  Here's the latest bump pics so you can see for yourself:

Dreaming Daddy

Seeing as I don't seem to fall asleep for long enough to have dreams lately, my husband seems to be making up for it. Last night he had a dream that I started going into labour and we didn't have enough time to get to the hospital so he had to deliver the baby himself on our living room floor. I was apparently very calm and non-nonchalant about the whole thing, and didn't even want to go to the hospital to get everything checked out afterwards (LOL, not like me at all!).

Baby Silver was small but very healthy and within minutes of the birth stood up on his legs and walked just like a fawn does. Yes, my husband definitely said it was a boy and we even picked the name right away (something we've been having a hard time coming up with).

My husband is out of town today, so it's probably on his mind that he doesn't want to miss the birth. As for the other part, I hope it just means an easy labour, a healthy active baby, a short hospital stay is in our near future, and our child won't go nameless.

Cramps

I'm now 35 weeks along. I keep thinking I'll have the entire month of December to finish getting things ready and to rest before the big birthday.

Just in the last few days however, I have been getting some mild menstrual like cramps, so perhaps that means it is nearer than I expect. I hope not. Hang in there just a little longer little one. The cramps come on fairly gently (not enough to stop me in my tracks, but strong enough that I take notice).  They usually last for a couple of minutes and are often accompanied by the hardening of my uterus (Braxton Hicks) that I have been getting now for months.  I've had maybe 2 or 3 episodes a day for the last few days, then hours will go by with nothing. Hmmm...

I have another OB appointment on Thursday so I'd guess he'll start checking the baby's position and my cervix from here on in.

The Nursery

We have made a lot of headway on the nursery recently. I think drove DH crazy when I changed my mind about the position of the furniture about 10 times. It's a small room, so can be a bit of a puzzle to get it all to fit and be functional. I am finally happy with how it is set up... for now at least. 

We went with bright colours, rather than the traditional pastels. The window faces north looking out over a heavily treed ravine, so the room needs warmer colours and lots of lighting.

Hopefully the theme will last a few years beyond the baby stage.

 

 We chose the crib to match the existing furniture we had. Believe it or not the 5 drawer dresser is already full with hand-me down clothes!

This is an old desk I've had since highschool -it dubs in as a change table for now, and can be a desk again down the road. The rocking chair was a freebie roadside find. I re-covered it and added more foam to plush it up a bit. DH cut an old wood stool on an angle to make a nice footrest.

This little cupboard opens to a space under our stairs (yes, just like in Harry Potter). My dad painted the little landscape scene on the doors for the little animal stick ups.

The 4 doors can open in a variety of ways to turn this space into a puppet theatre, pretend store, or quiet cozy reading space.

I think little Silver will be quite happy here.

34 Week Belly

Here it is, another belly pic. 34 weeks and growing like a weed! I'm starting to outgrow some of my maternity shirts now.

I think the baby must be head down because I feel the kicks up around my ribs most of the time. It's still sitting quite high though -pushing up my diaphragm in fact. Hopefully still a ways away from wanting to make an exit.

This weekend's task -start gathering items for the hospital bag. I picked up a new robe  last week as a treat for myself post-partum. It's so soft and is a funcitonal dark blue rather than white.

Bodily Changes

I guess this is the part of the pregnancy when the bodily changes become most rapid and most obvious to others. I now get daily comments from the peanut gallery about how huge I am and that the baby must be nearly ready to come. Not yet, I've still got a lot of growth and further bodily changes to go over the next 6 weeks or so.

My diaphragm is being pushed up, so sometimes it feels like I can't catch my breath. I've lost my belly button and my ankle bones temporarily to make way for an outie and cankles. They were there one day and gone the next. My leg hair is going the au natural route at the moment as shaving is too hard. I have no idea what my bikini line must look like. Apologies to the lifeguards and other swimming pool patrons.

The other night my husband commented as I was taking off my bra to get ready for bed that I don't really need a bra anymore because my breasts can just rest on top of my tummy shelf. Ooooh... you sure know how to make a woman feel sexy honey.

I squeeze into an oversized T-shirt and attach my uber-stylish nasal strip, to combat the chronic nasal congestion, and hop into bed. I have to prop my upper body up with several pillows, because lying flat just results in a lot of noisy and uncomfortable reflux and heartburn.

I toss, turn, and shift to get a comfortable position,  and once I finally do doze a bit, my bladder feels like it is ready to burst so I get up the bathroom and only a small little trickle is produced. Back to bed -repeat the cycle hourly until about 3:30am when baby decides it's time to be active and demand a snack. I get up and have some cereal and then remain wide awake until I finally dose off by 6:00am only to have to get up by 6:30am to get ready for work. Is it naptime yet?

Usually as some point in the night my husband has been pushed out of bed by either my restlessness, my mountain of pillows, or my new found habit of snoring. He ends up sleeping in the futon in his office.

Am I still enjoying being pregnant? Heck yeah! It's hard to believe it's going to be a distant memory very soon. I do look forward to getting my body back into shape over the next year though. It's been a long time with all the fertility hormones, followed by the pregnancy hormones.

33 week OB visit

My OB appointment was uneventful again. My OB and I actually had a brief chat about this after I made a comment about being a "boring patient" for him. He told me about the night he had earlier in the week where he delivered 5 babies and all were complex deliveries (3 emergency c-sections and 2 forceps) followed immediately by an office day full of complex patients with a variety of gynecological cancers or pain, and women struggling to get/stay pregnant.  He said as much as he enjoys the challenge of the complex cases, he also looks forward to the routine, easy maternity cases as a nice change. 

My exam was right on track again. Fundal height is now measuring 33cm, BP is 120/65, weight is up another 1kg (2lbs). He figured my episode of abdominal soreness and tightness last week was just overexertion and abdominal muscle spasm -not at all harmful to the baby. We talked about my plan for work and he thought it was good that I am slowing down and tapering off over the next 3 weeks. He asked how the prenatal class went and I shared with him about DH falling asleep during the video. LOL. We then had a brief discussion about "birth plans" and I repeated what I've always said all along -my only "plan" is to get the baby out safe and sound. He chuckled, and agreed that the longer and more detailed the plan, the more likely things were to go off plan and for it to result in disappointment. I still wonder how someone could feel disappointed when they have a healthy newborn in their arms?

Back in another couple of weeks, and then I begin weekly appointments for the last month of this pregnancy ride. It's hard to believe I'm almost there already.

Our baby was conceived in the spring, grew through the summer and fall, and is due to be born in the winter. A La Niña winter at that with cooler than average temperatures and lots of snow. Mother nature is already sending us signs of impending winter with crisp night and daytime temperatures, wind and rain storms, and DH's favorite part -snow in the mountains. DH loves winter and spending time in the alpine.  We joke that little Silver might come out of the birth canal with skis strapped to his/her feet (I hope not -Ouch!).

Critique of "The Business of Being Born"

I watched the documentary 'The Business of Being Born' last night.  It was primarily an argument in favour of homebirthing, and against doctor attended hospital births.

As a medical professional working in the field of developmental pediatrics, I see the results of births gone wrong on a daily basis. There's my bias. I have also never given birth, so one could argue that I have no right to an opinion on the matter. The movie stimulated a lot of criticism in my mind however.

The film goes through a historical summary of birthing and various trends that have fallen in and out of fashion.  Yes, women have been birthing babies for centuries, and it is a healthy natural human experience not a sickness or disease. What they forget to mention was that it wasn't that long ago that it was quite common for women to die during childbirth, and infants not to make it to their first birthday.

The film presents various stats on how home birthing is safer than hospital. The evidence behind it is not very strong. They mainly compare countries where prenatal care and women's lifestyles are very different than in the US. They also compare the number of maternal and fetal deaths in home vs. hospital settings. One would hope that if death were on the doorstep a home birth would result in a quick hospital transfer. If the death then occurred in the hospital would it be added to the hospital stats? Women who have preexisting medical conditions that put them at risk are also more likely to deliver in a hospital setting. Women who seek midwife care for home births are a handpicked bunch, and the higher risk people are weeded out of that equation and referred to OB's. You have a low risk population of women compared to a more complex group.  Apples to oranges.

While there is no question that many babies are delivered safely at home without issue, sometimes it only takes a matter of minutes (sometimes seconds) for a normal delivery to turn life threatening. There is often no way of knowing if you will be one of these people who has an uneventful delivery or a suddenly complex one. A hospital transfer takes time. Time that you might not have. Why risk it?

There was also a lot of discussion over the rise in c-section rates, especially in urban centres, and a suggestion that more and more women are "too posh to push" and opt for elective caesarians as an alternative. Firstly I would suspect that the increase in c-section rates probably has more to do with the litigation system. The Dr.'s primary responsibility is to get the mother and baby to the other side of the delivery safely.  While it used to be accepted that there were a certain number of deaths or major disabilities as a result of the childbirth process, this is now completely blamed on the attending doctor. Many GP's are giving up their maternity part of their practice because of the rising cost of the malpractice insurance. The higher incidence of c-sections in urban centres makes sense to me too. If you have a higher risk pregnancy you don't hang out in a rural area hundreds of miles from a hospital that does maternity care on a part time basis. You pack your bags and make a temporary move to a city that has the facilities and medical expertise equipped to handle your care. On the topic of "too push to push" the Canadian Society of Obstetricians and Gynecologists has clinical practice standards around when it is appropriate to perform c-sections and "too posh" is not one of the acceptable medical reasons for this major surgery.

I do think there has been a good movement toward midwifery care in hospital, and Dr.'s and midwives working much more collaboratively. The newer maternity units in hospitals are much more like birthing centres than the old school ones.

An interesting twist near the end of the film happens when one of the co-producers of the documentary goes into early labour with a footling breech, growth restricted baby and needed to be transferred to hospital for an emergency c-section. Thank goodness the taxi ride wasn't far and the baby suffered no long term consequences. I'm not quite sure how this scenario supported their argument, but it certainly solidified my opinion.

Happy Accounting Error

Well, after all of that pondering about scaling back at work etc, I met with my supervisor today and we came up with a plan to use my sick time that seemed to be reasonable as long as my OB agreed.

Then, quite serendipitously, I got a phone call from the accounts department to tell me she had made an error in calculating my vacation entitlement for the year and had shortchanged me 4 days worth of time that would need to be used up before the end of this year.

How is that for lucky! I'll spread that out over the next month, and still begin my maternity leave time as planned. Problem solved.

Exhaustion dilemma

I have a small dilemma that I need some help sorting out.

I had to work all day yesterday teaching a class. I realized when it was done that completely over did it and went to the point of exhaustion. My abdomen was so sore and hard last night, and I basically just went to bed and slept right through until this morning.  I'm still feeling sore and tired today (like a bad hangover). I've had a few other days like this recently.  My regular work demands involve lifting children, stooping and bending, getting on and off the floor, driving, carting equipment around to people's homes, and generally being on my feet. Most days I have managed to get a nap in when I get home and seem to be mostly recovered, but it does seem to worsen as the week goes on. I'm starting to re-evaluate my plans to work for another 4 weeks.

Option 1: If I got a doctor's note I could go completely off work now. The downside would be that it would use up the rest of the sick time in my bank, so I would have nothing left when I return in 2013. If my baby got sick or I did, I'd be stuck for taking time off.

Option 2: I begin my 2 weeks of vacation time now and start my maternity leave after that. The downside is that my maternity leave would end in November of 2012 and I'd have to go back to work then instead of in Jan 2013. They've hired my replacement to work the full year starting in January.

Option 3: Drop down to part time days using some, but not all of the banked sick time for the next 4 weeks.

Option 4: Suck it up and continue on with work as planned.




I do feel very lucky to have the maternity and sick time benefits that we have, so however it works out I know things will be OK. I have an OB appointment on Thursday and plan to discuss it further with him then.

Happy Halloween

It was a toss up this year between Humpty Dumpty, a snowman, a nun, and good old Santa... but I went with this instead:

Prenatal One Day Intensive

DH and I had our prenatal class all day today. We decided to sign up for the one day intensive instead of trying to go in the evenings over 6 weeks. I think it was a good choice as we were both fresher than if we'd been after working all day, and with DH's variable work schedule he didn't have to miss any of the classes.

The group of expectant couples, and one young woman with her mother gathered waiting in the hospital lobby for the instructor to arrive. We did a brief round of introductions. Everyone there was due in either late November or December. Most of the couples looked to be in their early 30's like us.

The morning began with a tour of the local hospital's maternity unit. It is only 4 years old and is quite state of the art. There are 16 suites each private where you spend your whole stay from admission through delivery (unless you need to go to the OR for a C-section), and postpartum care. Each suite has a huge washroom with a tub and shower, all of the medical equipment stowed away discreetly in cupboards, a bassinet on a well-stocked cart for the baby, and even a window seat daybed for the dad. If I didn't know better I'd mistake it for a hotel. The floor also includes a NICU for the baby if needed as long as the baby is at least 32 weeks. So, it's comforting to know that as of next week if I started to go into labour they have the facilities to look after all of the baby's needs.

As we were walking out, I overheard one couple talking to another about how they were planning a home birth with their midwife. Then they began discussing the virtues of having a water birth in a pool. Not for me thanks! I feel really good about having my baby in the hospital and being under the care of an OB right from the go. My "birth plan" is really simple -do what needs to be done to get the baby out safely into the world.

We spend the rest of the day at the health centre covering topics such as breastfeeding, baby care & development, car seat and sleep safety, and labour & pain options. The nurse teaching the class has a 2 year old and is expecting again herself in March, so she had some good insight on things from the inside point of view as well. She answered our questions very objectively.

The topic of discussion at one point was about protecting from an unexpected pregnancy while still breastfeeding. The other couples were all worried about this happening.  DH and I exchanged a little smile -no need to worry about that. It is not totally out of the realm of possibility for us, but we won't be worrying about using birth control.

Near the end of the afternoon the nurse put a video on about labour and delivery.   Part way through the video, just as it got to the part for the birth support partners on things they could do for comfort measures during labour, I looked over and noticed DH had nodded off to sleep! I gave him a big nudge in the side and a glare. Sigh....

We talked about it in the car on the way home. DH thought the hospital tour, the breastfeeding and baby care parts were the most valuable (but of course he slept through the supporting your wife through labour part). He thinks I'll manage that just fine though having witnessed me go through a number of painful things already. If you've followed my blog for a while, you'll remember the surprise lining scrape/suction out when I went for my sonohysterogram at the clinic last fall, then the laminaria seaweed stretch of my cervix for the 24 hours prior to surgery in February, oh, and then there was the 6 days with the kidney stone in July. We'll see how labour pains rank on that scale, but I honestly am not that concerned about being able to cope with the whole thing. I also don't object to accepting some medications for pain if the benefits outweigh the risks to the baby. We'll just see how things go and make decisions as we need to at the time.

The one thing that is really important to me is establishing breastfeeding. I'm thinking about setting up a little support plan around this just in case we need it. I know it's something that a lot of people struggle with especially in the beginning, and it takes dedication and persistence.

Now to pack that hospital bag and program the phone number for the maternity unit into our phones.

Maternity Photo Shoot

I roped my DH into doing a maternity photo shoot for me yesterday. It's not usually his area of specialty, but he got into it and got quite artistic with it near the end.

 

3D Scan

We had a 3D scan done yesterday. The normally very active Baby Silver slept through the entire hour all cuddled up next to the placenta, but we still got some good images. Only a couple of months or so until we get to meet  this little chubby cheek miracle.

"Guess What? #2 is on the Way"

"Guess what? #2 is on the way" I heard this from two friends this week, and it stirred up a whole lot of feelings that caught me by surprise.

The first friend and I started trying at almost the exact same time, you know the friend that you think you'll have your babies around the same time, be on maternity leave together. Well, she got pregnant on her first try and now has a nearly 3 year old daughter, you know where my story goes. She mentioned to me the last time we got together in July that she was going to start trying for #2 because she's now 36 and it might not be as easy as the first time, and after what I went through, she doesn't want to waste time with her eggs getting older. Well, guess what, preggo again the first month they lost the birth control. Baby #2 is on the way in May. Wow -incredible. How does this happen to some people? It is just so far from my reality that I can't believe it actually happens, and happens twice at that!

Then this week, another friend announced she was joining me on the pregnancy train with her #2.  We got married the same summer but she wanted to wait until her honeymoon that winter to start TTC, while we got started right away. They booked a deluxe trip to Thailand and low and behold -she got the honeymoon baby she'd planned for, and we opted to for a low key/ cost local kayak trip for our honeymoon and years later we'd spent over $20 000 on fertility treatments and were still no closer to the dream. This time around she thought it would be better to have a spring baby than another fall baby, so they timed things to get pregnant during her summer vacation instead of in the winter. Seriously, planning the season of your child's birth! I wasn't able to even plan the year I'd be lucky enough to get pregnant if ever.

So, my reaction was mixed. Of course I am happy for them that things have worked out so well -I'd never wish infertility on anyone. I'm also looking forward to having a couple of friends whose maternity leaves overlap with my own, and to swap mommy chat with. On the other hand there was some of that deep seated raw pain leftover from years of feeling so sad and uncertain about my own situation when pregnancy announcements were made. That caught me by surprise because I'm so blessed to be pregnant, and soon to have a family of my own I thought I was past all of that. There have been other pregnancy announcements in the past few months that haven't resulted in this reaction. Is it because these two friends are already on to having their second children, and barring some sort of miracle conception, this will be our one and only? I know I shouldn't compare, and a truly do feel so lucky and blessed that we are getting the opportunity to be parents. It really does far outweigh any negative feelings. I guess I just need to acknowledge that the ghosts of IF are still hiding in the closet, ready to pop out for a visit every now and again. They are never going to completely go away, but hopefully will make less frequent appearances, and fade away more easily.

Week 29 Tidbits

I had my routine OB appointment on Wednesday. I hadn't gained any weight since two weeks ago, but my fundal height was up slightly to 27cm so the baby is still growing in there.

My blood pressure was 110/70 so nice and low, and baby presented him/herself in all the possible positions (head down, breech, and transverse) while the doc was trying to chase with the doppler to get a heart rate. He figures it was 136 bpm, but because the baby never stayed put long enough to get a great reading, he's not really sure.

I told him about the dog bite and he checked that over to make sure it didn't look infected, and it was fine.

My hemoglobin is only a little low, so there's no change in iron supplements, but I have to be conscious about getting a little more iron in my diet.

Back again in 2 weeks. I must be a really boring maternity patient. Although boring = uncomplicated, and I celebrate that. Hoping it stays that way right through.

Other happenings:
We picked up the crib and mattress this week. It's still in the box for now until we get rid of our double bed. I've been doing little preparations on the nursery or collecting baby stuff on my weekends because evenings are a write off energy wise.

I've got 7 more weeks to go at work and I'm really noticing the physical demands on my body now -hopefully I can bumble through. My mat leave replacement has been hired but is not available to start until January, so there will be no coverage for December. C'est La Vie.

... and last but not least -yesterday's spectacular finds at our local library:

1. I borrowed a DVD called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp -It's all about calming techniques for fussy babies. He demonstrates a few of these simple techniques -many of which most of us do instinctively with babies (swaddling, side positioning, swinging or jiggling, saying "shhhhh"). I figure it's worth watching now before being in the thick of parenting a newborn.

2. I took out a cookbook of meals you can cook ahead and freeze. It's time to get on that so we have some easy nutritious meals to keep us going when the baby comes.

3. I also found some great little board books in the discard bin for $0.25 each.

Crib Mattress Doubles as Stunt Pad

My husband went to pick up the new crib mattress we ordered today. When I came home after work he had it out of the box and was using it as a crash pad for his rock climbing practice space that he has set up under the stairs. I shook my head in horror as he let go and jumped down hard on the little mattress with his stinky feet. He, on the other hand, looked quite proud of himself for finding a practical alternative use for the mattress for the next couple of months. "Well, it's a bit firm, so I thought I'd break it in" he said as he looked up at me scowling back at him.  I calmly explained that crib mattresses are supposed to be firm to prevent the infant from suffocating.  Sigh.... I know he's going to be a great dad, but sometimes I feel like I'm parenting one big kid. Oh, it will be interesting to see how Silver Jr. and daddy are going team up on mommy with their antics.

More Bump Photos

I've had a few requests for more bump (now more of a bulge) photos, so here are some from the last month:

24 weeks

26 weeks

 28 weeks

I feel quite oversize for my 5'2" frame. The comments from the "peanut gallery public" range from everything from how small I am, to that I'm so big I must be carrying twins in there {insert eye roll here}. My fundal height measurements and ultrasound measurements have always been very average -so that's what's most important.

Thanksgiving

Wow, do we ever have a lot to be thankful for this year, especially in the family department!


It was a smaller than usual family gathering around the turkey this year, with my brother, sister and husband all away in the far corners of the planet. My parents hosted myself and my grandparents in their ground floor room where we could get my grandmother in with her wheelchair. The outdoor table and chairs worked well for the 5 of us. My dad made a fabulous dinner as usual and stuffed us all full.


My grandmother had also been looking forward to going through a box of her finest pieces of knitting that she had set aside for her great-grandbaby over the years. Wow, what a treasure trove it was. About a year ago she had a stroke and lost her ability to knit.  It is such a shame because up until then she was rarely without knitting needles in hand working away at something. She carefully handcrafted each piece with love. Little Silver will be one very well clothed kid. There is everything from newborn to size 6 here.

Once Bitten, twice shy

I got bitten by a dog last night!

I had an invite to go over to a neighbour's house for dinner. She owns two large, well cared for dogs -both german shepherd mixes. I've been there many times before and while they always bark when someone comes to the door, they have never acted aggressively. She came to the door to let me in and the dogs were barking and wagging their tails in excitement so it seemed. I began to take my shoes and coat off, but kept a hand on my belly while doing so, just in case one of them decided to jump up on me.

Then suddenly at random I felt a sharp pain in my calf and realized that one of the dogs had just bitten me! My neighbour immediately grabbed the dog and put her in the garage. I rolled up my jeans to inspect the wound. It wasn't deep, but did just barely break the surface of my skin and it was bleeding a little. There was bruising developing around the teeth marks about 2" in diameter. Luckily it was over the fleshy part of my leg and not near any bones, tendons, or nerves. My neighbour, who happens to be a veterinarian, was very apologetic and embarrassed.

We flushed the area with cold water and washed it thoroughly with Hibitane (antimicrobial) soap. I then applied some polysporin (antibiotic) ointment, and an ice pack. I stayed and enjoyed my dinner, and didn't really notice my leg too much for the next couple of hours.

When I got home I began wondering if I should get it checked out, or do anything further. I called the nurse hotline. She reviewed the indications for tetanus shots which is generally every 10 years, but sometimes they'll recommend getting one if it's been more than 5 years with a deep or dirty wound. My last one was in 2002, so it falls just under the 10 year mark, but the wound would classify as dirty because of the bacteria in the dog's saliva. Thankfully, I am confident that the dog was well vaccinated for more sinister things like rabies. What she wasn't sure about was whether it was safe to have a tetanus shot while pregnant. She recommended I get medical advice about this the next morning.

Of course, being the Saturday night of a long weekend, my only option for care over the next two days is the emergency room at the hospital and that is the last place I want to hang around right now with our hospital in the throes of a C-difficile outbreak.

I called a friend who is a GP who does a lot of maternity care. He felt I would be covered in terms of the tetanus shot with what I had already, and that I most likely wouldn't need an antibiotic because we were able to clean it out well right away. He suggested I monitor for any signs of infection and see a doctor if I do notice anything developing. Amoxicillin is generally the antibiotic of choice for animal bites and is safe to take during pregnancy.

This morning the wound seems to be dry and starting the healing process. There is some tenderness where it bruised, but otherwise no swelling or redness. Hopefully it continues on that trend, and this is the end of it.

The Missing Blog Post

This was a blog post that never got published. Why? It was just put away in the "too hard" pile for a while because I was in a really tender place at the time and was not looking for comments or advice. So, I wrote it out on paper instead, and have been waiting for the right moment to share it.  I'm not sure if it's ever the right moment, but I guess it seems safe now so here goes...

March 1, 2011


Dear Blog,

After waiting 4 months, being on DHEA, and having surgery in order to cycle again, my second attempt at starting an IVF cycle was canceled due to a single dominant follicle, a dismal antral follicle count (3), and a high progesterone level on day 2. My RE sat me down and suggested that he had one more trick to pull out of his hat -estrogen priming during the luteal phase as a last ditch effort at getting an IVF cycle off the ground. I then asked what we could do if that didn't work, and out came the words I'd been bracing for "have you thought at all about DONOR EGGS?" I told him that I had thought about it, but I would really like to at least get to egg retrieval with my own 33 year old eggs before going that route. He said he knew I felt that way and would do everything he could to get me to retrieval, but with my low numbers and suspected poor egg quality, we should know that our chances would be much lower than average (maybe only about 5%). To me it was worth spending the $12 000 on the IVF cycle, if only to have closure on my eggs, so we agreed on that plan. I know that most other clinics would have written me off, and not allowed me to go forward with a cycle because it would hurt their stats (usually the numbers reported for women under 35 is 50-60% success per cycle).

I held it together until we left the office and then cried for the whole two hour drive home in the car, and on and off for the rest of that day. Pull it together SD, things could be worse.

Was it a total shocker? Not really. In a way it was a bit of a relief to finally hear him say it. It had never been brought up before, so I actually wondered whether there were other reasons that would make it a non-option (eg: my lining). It's comforting in a way knowing there are other options available that would still allow me to experience a pregnancy. At least the baby would still be genetically related to my husband.


On the other hand, it did feel like a huge blow. I'm 33, not 43. When we started to TTC 3 years ago, I did not imagine we'd be faced with this reality -that's one of the reasons we started trying when we were still well under 35.  Just a few months ago the same RE was confident he'd get me pregnant with IUI. Then it was IVF that would be the ultimate solution even if it took more than one try. How did we find ourselves getting the donor egg speech already? 

I know I need to stay focused on the cycle at hand, and who knows, we might just get lucky. However, here I am with a busy brain trying to wrap my head about this donor egg scenario. Would we look for an altruistic donor in Canada, and stay with our RE and clinic, or would we travel to a country where there are agencies set up to help match people and it is legal to pay a donor? Do I know anyone done having her family with eggs to spare? Would the donor be the same age as me (or even older than me) but just have better eggs? Would the child look at all like me? Would I bond with the baby the same?


I put out some feelers to a couple of women from ivf(dot)ca, and they were very helpful in answering some of those questions.  I look at it like a way of dipping my toe into the water to see what the temperature was like just to see if I'd be interested in going for a swim later. Of course I'd rather stay dry and go for a hike instead. However, since swimming may be in my cards, it's probably something I should know a little more about so I can file it away for later reference if needed. I don't need too much at this point about the finer details.  They offered some helpful advice, and I know I'm not going to be swimming alone in the dark if I do decide to make the leap into the water in the near future.


I'll file it all away for now, including this paper blog post to myself, and go through the motions of this cycle still with hope, but lowered expectations.

I'm tearing up now, while typing this out. I am still amazed every time I think back about just how fortunate we are that I got pregnant on that last ditch cycle my own eggs when we only had two to work with. Wow, what a crazy outcome to the the whole story.

Shopping

I've started accepting hand-me-downs from friends and doing a little bit of shopping for baby items. Who doesn't love a bargain!

This morning I stopped in at Zellers to get some toilet paper and found a nursing bra in my size (well my projected size) in the discount bin for $5.

I've also been following all the baby items posted on kijiji, Craig's List etc... and bought this little Snugli for $20. It's a colour that my DH will wear.

With the current size of my chest, it feels as if these photos are perfectly to scale!

Another Day at the Lab

Well, it's been a while since I've visited the local blood lab. The last time I went there was for my betas back in April. How have I gotten to the 3rd trimester of pregnancy without a lab visit you ask? The routine blood work that is normally done when you get pregnant was already done by my RE just before my IVF, we opted out of the prenatal triple screen testing, and the mid pregnancy blood work was done while I was in hospital with the kidney stone.

My OB ordered the long glucose tolerance test, and a repeat hemoglobin level because my iron is prone to being on the low side. There are new guidelines for gestational diabetes testing and they've now eliminated the screening test and skip right to the full test. It involves fasting overnight, getting a baseline blood draw, drinking a sickeningly sweet liquid much like orange pop without the fizz, and then having blood drawn an hour later and again two hours later to see how your body clears the glucose. I decided to book the day off work, because it would take most of the morning at the lab to get through the testing, and I figured I wouldn't feel great following.

I ate a snack in the evening prior to the test, but woke up around 2am hungry with a baby nudging my side. It took a while to get back to sleep, but I managed to sleep until 6:30 or so.  I always eat breakfast straight away when I first get up, so I had to write myself a big note on the fridge reminding me not to eat this morning.  I drank some water, had my shower, and set off for the lab.

There is always a line up of seniors there before the 7:30am opening. Ah yes, there were even some familiar faces there from my many trips for estradiol checks. I've never quite figured out why they all come so early when they are not fasting or having to rush off to work.

I took my number from the ticket machine and spotted an empty chair in the foyer, and quickly laid my claim. I've given up my seat so many times before for elderly people or pregnant women -not today, I was keeping my buns firmly planted there.

I waited about 40 minutes for my name to be called. The tech drew my blood and then gave me the large cup of orange syrup and set a timer -I had to get the full thing down in 5 minutes or less. It took me back to being 8 years old at a McDonalds birthday party.  I noticed another middle aged woman across from me who was also drinking the liquid.  She chugged hers while I sipped mine. Gag... I got my drink down just under the 5 minute wire.

The tech then attached the timer to my requisition slip and gave me the drill about what would happen next. I'd need to sit still for an hour and have my blood drawn, and then repeat after another hour. No leaving the waiting area, and no walking around allowed.

Fortunately I remembered to bring a book, and I actually finished the whole thing over the course of the morning. I also find it interesting to people watch. It's always interesting to overhear the types of tests people are getting. There were lots of routine blood cell counts, and urine tests. Then there are the young guys rushing in red-faced with little paper bags -I can only guess that they are semen samples. Ughh... and don't forget the stool samples... don't take the chair next to that drop off basket.

Anyway, back to my book...

I heard my name called for the 3rd blood draw, but when I went to take a seat in room 1, there was already the other woman doing the GTT sitting in the chair. The lab tech prepped the equipment needed and then came out to get something else, she looked confused and asked why I was standing in the hall when I hadn't been called. I told her that I thought I had been called, but maybe I misheard. She clarified my name and it turned out she had nearly mixed me up with the other woman. She asked her to go back and take her seat for a minute while she took my blood. The other woman then said in a whiny voice, pointing at me "but she finished her drink after I did, why does she get to go first?" The tech explained that although we were both doing glucose tolerance tests, mine was a bit different because it was a pregnancy one, and that it was when the drink was started, not when it was finished that was important for the timing. She sulked back to her seat and let me into the blood draw room. Jeesh!

I was running out of arm space by the last blood draw. At least she was skilled at finding veins. I honestly think though that I've become a bit numb on the inside of my elbow after all of the infertility blood work I've had done.

After my 3 hour stay, I was finally released from the lab with a headache and a hungry tummy. I treated myself to a breakfast burrito and a decaf at a nearby coffee shop before driving home. I was fairly sleepy following.

After I woke up from an afternoon nap, I checked online for my results. Good news, it looks like I don't have gestational diabetes -hooray!  My hemoglobin levels were a bit below the normal range, however, so I suspect my OB will have me increase my iron supplement a bit.

Sleep Musings

I think I have officially said goodbye to full nights of uninterrupted sleep for the next several years.

Baby Silver now consistently gets me up at least twice a night during fetal kickboxing practice which turns usually into a good time for a bathroom break and a snack, heck why not answer a few e-mails while I'm at it?!!?

This morning I had the added task of giving my DH a ride to the airport at 5:45am. He kissed me goodbye and kissed my belly and told the baby to let mommy go back to sleep for an hour or so this morning. That was a no go.  So, I now feel like I need to insert toothpicks into my eyelids to keep them open at work all day. Do you think anyone would notice if I actually did that?

I know it's only the beginning because there will be lots of night time wakings and feedings in my life very soon. I can't help but think though that it might be easier to manage once I don't have to be at work full time every day. My brain power can focus solely on my own baby and life at home rather than all the needs of children belonging to other people, and all of their various caregivers & professionals that come along with them.

I'm going to miss you sleep. I hope you come back to join me later in life. Perhaps after menopause? No then I'll be up worried about a teenager who hasn't come home yet. Hmmm... I think I should just resign myself to a life consisting of a series of sporadic cat naps.

Last Monthly OB Appointment

I had my routine monthly OB appointment today. I've had some minor nerve compression in my left thigh that comes on as tingling/numbness after I've been standing for a while. It's not too bothersome, but is quite annoying considering how much standing I do in my job. He said it's common and should go away once the baby gets a bit bigger and assumes a more head down position in my pelvis.

All is well with the baby's growth. I'm 26 wks + 3 days and the fundal height was 26.5cm today. I'm up 1 kg (2 1/2 lbs) since last month. Baby's heartbeat was 152bpm and my blood pressure was nice and normal at 130/60. He gave me the script for the gestational diabetes testing, and another iron check so Friday morning I'm off to spend 3 hours at the lab -whoo hoo!


I noticed this week that I've got only 2.5" between my belly and the steering wheel in my car. I can't move my seat or my steering wheel any further away and still reach the pedals to clutch or brake. At least I don't have an airbag. My OB has recommended that I only drive in town at regular city speeds and avoid highway driving if at all possible. Likely by the end of next month I won't be able to fit behind the wheel and will need to give up driving. That's not going to be easy with my work because I do home/ school/ daycare visits, so I may need to go off earlier than planned or modify my days.

I'm now on an every 2 week schedule with OB appointments for October and November. Then up to weekly in December.

99 Days to go (or so)

According to my estimated due date, we have just 99 more days to go with this pregnancy. This means I'm rounding the corner out ot the 2nd trimester and almost into T3. Wow, time flies.

I'm starting to feel the fatigue creeping in again, and the physical aspect of my work is getting harder now. It still seems surreal that we are going to actually get a baby after all of this.

After this week, I start seeing my OB every two weeks. We also have our prenatal class at the end of October, or as my DH likes to say "the push the baby out classes".  I left the booklet on the kitchen table today and DH was reading up on the labour and delivery section while eating his breakfast.

Crib Shopping

DH and I have begun browsing and researching cribs. We started online. Wow, who knew there were so many different options out there.

First off the sliding rails are now totally out because of a safety recall. This pretty much puts buying a used crib out of the question. All the cribs have a fixed rail, but the height of the rail is not standard. Me being 5'1" and my DH 5'6" (with our shoes on) we wondered how this was going to work for reaching over the rail. We took along a tape measure last night to some stores and began sizing up the side rails. There was everything from 34"-36 1/2" to reach over, and the rails came in all different thicknesses. Considering my inseam is just 27", I can just get my belly over the 34" rail by standing tip-toe, anything higher was out of the question. Good to know!

DH looked at each model with a rock climber's point of view. How easily could little Silver get a foothold on that spindle? That railing forms a perfect ledge for a perch. Yes, we are expecting an agile toddler on our hands, so the more climb proof the better.


Cribs now mostly convert to a variety of other bedding options (toddler bed, day bed, and double bed). Looking at the toddler bed conversion, they look really high from the ground and I wondered about little Silver falling out. The I remembered when I was 2 1/2 my brother came along, and I got booted out of my crib and my dad pulled out his table saw and whipped together a loft style bunk bed.  I remember it being so high that I could reach up and touch my ceiling. I only fell out twice before my parents added a guard rail. Interesting how things have changed.

Here's the best one we've seen so far for the price and it gets good reviews. It's made by Graco and the model is "Sarah". It also matches the walnut furniture we have.

Between Two Worlds

It was another big day yesterday. I took a trip down to Victoria to attend my friend's baby shower.  It's been a couple of years since I've been turning down invites to baby showers, but am starting to integrate them back into my social life now. I must say, I really enjoyed myself. My friend is expecting an IVF baby and has not had an easy pregnancy, so was so honoured to share this special time with her.

It still feels a bit strange though -like a club I waited on the outside for a long time to join, to which I'm not yet a full fledged member. I don't have much to contribute to the labour stories and, the conversation about motherhood to which I'm not yet initiated.  Then there was the awkwardness of "how do you two know each other" question which fortunately I was able to avoid for the most part. In a way it was actually easier to not know anyone other than the guest of honour.  I'd forgotten about all the little shower games and actually ended up doing really well on the guess-the-chocolate-bar-in-the-diaper one (go figure). Maybe I'll be a whiz at analyzing my baby's poo??!?

Before I went to the shower I met another clinic pal for coffee who is still in the trenches with cycling. It was so nice to meet her in person, and to share stories and a few giggles. I must say I still feel like I have more in common with people doing IVF than with other pregnant women or moms, except I'm no longer stuck in that horrible emotional crux wondering if there would ever be a way out. Even my memories of procedures and details are softening around the edges.

It's like being between two worlds -the infertility world and the motherhood world. It can be a bit lonely sometimes, but I remind myself that it's all a normal part of transition and change.

Between coffee and the shower I stopped in at my old clinic. As I approached the front door, I had this wave of nervousness come over me (I guess that anxiety associated with that place hasn't completely gone away!). There was another couple entering at the same time.  I picked them out right away as fertility patients because they looked a bit like stunned deer in the headlights-I remember those days so well. I shared the elevator ride with them and sure enough they were also going to the same floor. It was one of the hottest days we've had this summer, so I was wearing just capris and a t-shirt. I wished at that moment that I had a long loose fitting cardiagan to throw on to cover my bump. What business to I have walking into their fertility clinic smiling and glowingly pregnant?  Luckily they took the washroom keys and headed down the hallway while I chatted with the nurse who was on shift. She recognized me right away and asked how far along I was, and how the pregnancy was going. She sent me to the other side of the office where my RE was taking a phone call, and said she would let him know I was there.

As I sat in the empty waiting area I was thinking about the hours I had spent there anxiously awaiting whatever news each appointment would bring. He came out a few minutes later and was beaming with a big wide grin. He reached out as if to hug me but instead put both of his hands firmly on my belly. "It's so good to see you, and you (speaking to little Silver), thanks for stopping by".  It was a strangely intimate but very comfortable moment. We sat and chatted briefly about the pregnancy and I thanked him for answering my e-mails and giving me some direction and reassurance during the kidney stone scare. He admitted that he was really worried that I might go into preterm labour, and was so relieved when it passed. As I was leaving he said he hoped that we'd arrange to bring our baby by for a visit in the new year. "You know he/she is partly ours" he said. "Of course" I responded "It's the least I can do". Even once the transition to mommyhood has happened. I don't think I'll ever be able to let go entirely of the infertility world and the village of people that helped make our child.

24 weeks!

I'm 24 weeks today!!! This is a real milestone for me as it means fetal viability is possible if my baby was born today. Many of my little patients are born this early -hard to believe. I can breathe out a little more now and maybe make a few purchases. I've been keeping an eye on the kijiji and Craig's List sites for my area.

It also means it's time for another belly pic. At the beginning of the week there wasn't much visible growth and then just in the last couple of days there was another spurt. There's no mistaking it now -I look pregnant.

Yesterday I was at a school and I had one teacher exclaim "wow, you've got a baby in there!" I almost tried to play with her head and was going to say "no, I just put on a little weight over the summer"  but I didn't. Later in the day another teacher came up and rubbed my belly - I guess it begins, my bump is now public property.