Happy Halloween

It was a toss up this year between Humpty Dumpty, a snowman, a nun, and good old Santa... but I went with this instead:

Prenatal One Day Intensive

DH and I had our prenatal class all day today. We decided to sign up for the one day intensive instead of trying to go in the evenings over 6 weeks. I think it was a good choice as we were both fresher than if we'd been after working all day, and with DH's variable work schedule he didn't have to miss any of the classes.

The group of expectant couples, and one young woman with her mother gathered waiting in the hospital lobby for the instructor to arrive. We did a brief round of introductions. Everyone there was due in either late November or December. Most of the couples looked to be in their early 30's like us.

The morning began with a tour of the local hospital's maternity unit. It is only 4 years old and is quite state of the art. There are 16 suites each private where you spend your whole stay from admission through delivery (unless you need to go to the OR for a C-section), and postpartum care. Each suite has a huge washroom with a tub and shower, all of the medical equipment stowed away discreetly in cupboards, a bassinet on a well-stocked cart for the baby, and even a window seat daybed for the dad. If I didn't know better I'd mistake it for a hotel. The floor also includes a NICU for the baby if needed as long as the baby is at least 32 weeks. So, it's comforting to know that as of next week if I started to go into labour they have the facilities to look after all of the baby's needs.

As we were walking out, I overheard one couple talking to another about how they were planning a home birth with their midwife. Then they began discussing the virtues of having a water birth in a pool. Not for me thanks! I feel really good about having my baby in the hospital and being under the care of an OB right from the go. My "birth plan" is really simple -do what needs to be done to get the baby out safely into the world.

We spend the rest of the day at the health centre covering topics such as breastfeeding, baby care & development, car seat and sleep safety, and labour & pain options. The nurse teaching the class has a 2 year old and is expecting again herself in March, so she had some good insight on things from the inside point of view as well. She answered our questions very objectively.

The topic of discussion at one point was about protecting from an unexpected pregnancy while still breastfeeding. The other couples were all worried about this happening.  DH and I exchanged a little smile -no need to worry about that. It is not totally out of the realm of possibility for us, but we won't be worrying about using birth control.

Near the end of the afternoon the nurse put a video on about labour and delivery.   Part way through the video, just as it got to the part for the birth support partners on things they could do for comfort measures during labour, I looked over and noticed DH had nodded off to sleep! I gave him a big nudge in the side and a glare. Sigh....

We talked about it in the car on the way home. DH thought the hospital tour, the breastfeeding and baby care parts were the most valuable (but of course he slept through the supporting your wife through labour part). He thinks I'll manage that just fine though having witnessed me go through a number of painful things already. If you've followed my blog for a while, you'll remember the surprise lining scrape/suction out when I went for my sonohysterogram at the clinic last fall, then the laminaria seaweed stretch of my cervix for the 24 hours prior to surgery in February, oh, and then there was the 6 days with the kidney stone in July. We'll see how labour pains rank on that scale, but I honestly am not that concerned about being able to cope with the whole thing. I also don't object to accepting some medications for pain if the benefits outweigh the risks to the baby. We'll just see how things go and make decisions as we need to at the time.

The one thing that is really important to me is establishing breastfeeding. I'm thinking about setting up a little support plan around this just in case we need it. I know it's something that a lot of people struggle with especially in the beginning, and it takes dedication and persistence.

Now to pack that hospital bag and program the phone number for the maternity unit into our phones.

Maternity Photo Shoot

I roped my DH into doing a maternity photo shoot for me yesterday. It's not usually his area of specialty, but he got into it and got quite artistic with it near the end.

 

3D Scan

We had a 3D scan done yesterday. The normally very active Baby Silver slept through the entire hour all cuddled up next to the placenta, but we still got some good images. Only a couple of months or so until we get to meet  this little chubby cheek miracle.

"Guess What? #2 is on the Way"

"Guess what? #2 is on the way" I heard this from two friends this week, and it stirred up a whole lot of feelings that caught me by surprise.

The first friend and I started trying at almost the exact same time, you know the friend that you think you'll have your babies around the same time, be on maternity leave together. Well, she got pregnant on her first try and now has a nearly 3 year old daughter, you know where my story goes. She mentioned to me the last time we got together in July that she was going to start trying for #2 because she's now 36 and it might not be as easy as the first time, and after what I went through, she doesn't want to waste time with her eggs getting older. Well, guess what, preggo again the first month they lost the birth control. Baby #2 is on the way in May. Wow -incredible. How does this happen to some people? It is just so far from my reality that I can't believe it actually happens, and happens twice at that!

Then this week, another friend announced she was joining me on the pregnancy train with her #2.  We got married the same summer but she wanted to wait until her honeymoon that winter to start TTC, while we got started right away. They booked a deluxe trip to Thailand and low and behold -she got the honeymoon baby she'd planned for, and we opted to for a low key/ cost local kayak trip for our honeymoon and years later we'd spent over $20 000 on fertility treatments and were still no closer to the dream. This time around she thought it would be better to have a spring baby than another fall baby, so they timed things to get pregnant during her summer vacation instead of in the winter. Seriously, planning the season of your child's birth! I wasn't able to even plan the year I'd be lucky enough to get pregnant if ever.

So, my reaction was mixed. Of course I am happy for them that things have worked out so well -I'd never wish infertility on anyone. I'm also looking forward to having a couple of friends whose maternity leaves overlap with my own, and to swap mommy chat with. On the other hand there was some of that deep seated raw pain leftover from years of feeling so sad and uncertain about my own situation when pregnancy announcements were made. That caught me by surprise because I'm so blessed to be pregnant, and soon to have a family of my own I thought I was past all of that. There have been other pregnancy announcements in the past few months that haven't resulted in this reaction. Is it because these two friends are already on to having their second children, and barring some sort of miracle conception, this will be our one and only? I know I shouldn't compare, and a truly do feel so lucky and blessed that we are getting the opportunity to be parents. It really does far outweigh any negative feelings. I guess I just need to acknowledge that the ghosts of IF are still hiding in the closet, ready to pop out for a visit every now and again. They are never going to completely go away, but hopefully will make less frequent appearances, and fade away more easily.

Week 29 Tidbits

I had my routine OB appointment on Wednesday. I hadn't gained any weight since two weeks ago, but my fundal height was up slightly to 27cm so the baby is still growing in there.

My blood pressure was 110/70 so nice and low, and baby presented him/herself in all the possible positions (head down, breech, and transverse) while the doc was trying to chase with the doppler to get a heart rate. He figures it was 136 bpm, but because the baby never stayed put long enough to get a great reading, he's not really sure.

I told him about the dog bite and he checked that over to make sure it didn't look infected, and it was fine.

My hemoglobin is only a little low, so there's no change in iron supplements, but I have to be conscious about getting a little more iron in my diet.

Back again in 2 weeks. I must be a really boring maternity patient. Although boring = uncomplicated, and I celebrate that. Hoping it stays that way right through.

Other happenings:
We picked up the crib and mattress this week. It's still in the box for now until we get rid of our double bed. I've been doing little preparations on the nursery or collecting baby stuff on my weekends because evenings are a write off energy wise.

I've got 7 more weeks to go at work and I'm really noticing the physical demands on my body now -hopefully I can bumble through. My mat leave replacement has been hired but is not available to start until January, so there will be no coverage for December. C'est La Vie.

... and last but not least -yesterday's spectacular finds at our local library:

1. I borrowed a DVD called "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp -It's all about calming techniques for fussy babies. He demonstrates a few of these simple techniques -many of which most of us do instinctively with babies (swaddling, side positioning, swinging or jiggling, saying "shhhhh"). I figure it's worth watching now before being in the thick of parenting a newborn.

2. I took out a cookbook of meals you can cook ahead and freeze. It's time to get on that so we have some easy nutritious meals to keep us going when the baby comes.

3. I also found some great little board books in the discard bin for $0.25 each.

Crib Mattress Doubles as Stunt Pad

My husband went to pick up the new crib mattress we ordered today. When I came home after work he had it out of the box and was using it as a crash pad for his rock climbing practice space that he has set up under the stairs. I shook my head in horror as he let go and jumped down hard on the little mattress with his stinky feet. He, on the other hand, looked quite proud of himself for finding a practical alternative use for the mattress for the next couple of months. "Well, it's a bit firm, so I thought I'd break it in" he said as he looked up at me scowling back at him.  I calmly explained that crib mattresses are supposed to be firm to prevent the infant from suffocating.  Sigh.... I know he's going to be a great dad, but sometimes I feel like I'm parenting one big kid. Oh, it will be interesting to see how Silver Jr. and daddy are going team up on mommy with their antics.

More Bump Photos

I've had a few requests for more bump (now more of a bulge) photos, so here are some from the last month:

24 weeks

26 weeks

 28 weeks

I feel quite oversize for my 5'2" frame. The comments from the "peanut gallery public" range from everything from how small I am, to that I'm so big I must be carrying twins in there {insert eye roll here}. My fundal height measurements and ultrasound measurements have always been very average -so that's what's most important.

Thanksgiving

Wow, do we ever have a lot to be thankful for this year, especially in the family department!


It was a smaller than usual family gathering around the turkey this year, with my brother, sister and husband all away in the far corners of the planet. My parents hosted myself and my grandparents in their ground floor room where we could get my grandmother in with her wheelchair. The outdoor table and chairs worked well for the 5 of us. My dad made a fabulous dinner as usual and stuffed us all full.


My grandmother had also been looking forward to going through a box of her finest pieces of knitting that she had set aside for her great-grandbaby over the years. Wow, what a treasure trove it was. About a year ago she had a stroke and lost her ability to knit.  It is such a shame because up until then she was rarely without knitting needles in hand working away at something. She carefully handcrafted each piece with love. Little Silver will be one very well clothed kid. There is everything from newborn to size 6 here.

Once Bitten, twice shy

I got bitten by a dog last night!

I had an invite to go over to a neighbour's house for dinner. She owns two large, well cared for dogs -both german shepherd mixes. I've been there many times before and while they always bark when someone comes to the door, they have never acted aggressively. She came to the door to let me in and the dogs were barking and wagging their tails in excitement so it seemed. I began to take my shoes and coat off, but kept a hand on my belly while doing so, just in case one of them decided to jump up on me.

Then suddenly at random I felt a sharp pain in my calf and realized that one of the dogs had just bitten me! My neighbour immediately grabbed the dog and put her in the garage. I rolled up my jeans to inspect the wound. It wasn't deep, but did just barely break the surface of my skin and it was bleeding a little. There was bruising developing around the teeth marks about 2" in diameter. Luckily it was over the fleshy part of my leg and not near any bones, tendons, or nerves. My neighbour, who happens to be a veterinarian, was very apologetic and embarrassed.

We flushed the area with cold water and washed it thoroughly with Hibitane (antimicrobial) soap. I then applied some polysporin (antibiotic) ointment, and an ice pack. I stayed and enjoyed my dinner, and didn't really notice my leg too much for the next couple of hours.

When I got home I began wondering if I should get it checked out, or do anything further. I called the nurse hotline. She reviewed the indications for tetanus shots which is generally every 10 years, but sometimes they'll recommend getting one if it's been more than 5 years with a deep or dirty wound. My last one was in 2002, so it falls just under the 10 year mark, but the wound would classify as dirty because of the bacteria in the dog's saliva. Thankfully, I am confident that the dog was well vaccinated for more sinister things like rabies. What she wasn't sure about was whether it was safe to have a tetanus shot while pregnant. She recommended I get medical advice about this the next morning.

Of course, being the Saturday night of a long weekend, my only option for care over the next two days is the emergency room at the hospital and that is the last place I want to hang around right now with our hospital in the throes of a C-difficile outbreak.

I called a friend who is a GP who does a lot of maternity care. He felt I would be covered in terms of the tetanus shot with what I had already, and that I most likely wouldn't need an antibiotic because we were able to clean it out well right away. He suggested I monitor for any signs of infection and see a doctor if I do notice anything developing. Amoxicillin is generally the antibiotic of choice for animal bites and is safe to take during pregnancy.

This morning the wound seems to be dry and starting the healing process. There is some tenderness where it bruised, but otherwise no swelling or redness. Hopefully it continues on that trend, and this is the end of it.

The Missing Blog Post

This was a blog post that never got published. Why? It was just put away in the "too hard" pile for a while because I was in a really tender place at the time and was not looking for comments or advice. So, I wrote it out on paper instead, and have been waiting for the right moment to share it.  I'm not sure if it's ever the right moment, but I guess it seems safe now so here goes...

March 1, 2011


Dear Blog,

After waiting 4 months, being on DHEA, and having surgery in order to cycle again, my second attempt at starting an IVF cycle was canceled due to a single dominant follicle, a dismal antral follicle count (3), and a high progesterone level on day 2. My RE sat me down and suggested that he had one more trick to pull out of his hat -estrogen priming during the luteal phase as a last ditch effort at getting an IVF cycle off the ground. I then asked what we could do if that didn't work, and out came the words I'd been bracing for "have you thought at all about DONOR EGGS?" I told him that I had thought about it, but I would really like to at least get to egg retrieval with my own 33 year old eggs before going that route. He said he knew I felt that way and would do everything he could to get me to retrieval, but with my low numbers and suspected poor egg quality, we should know that our chances would be much lower than average (maybe only about 5%). To me it was worth spending the $12 000 on the IVF cycle, if only to have closure on my eggs, so we agreed on that plan. I know that most other clinics would have written me off, and not allowed me to go forward with a cycle because it would hurt their stats (usually the numbers reported for women under 35 is 50-60% success per cycle).

I held it together until we left the office and then cried for the whole two hour drive home in the car, and on and off for the rest of that day. Pull it together SD, things could be worse.

Was it a total shocker? Not really. In a way it was a bit of a relief to finally hear him say it. It had never been brought up before, so I actually wondered whether there were other reasons that would make it a non-option (eg: my lining). It's comforting in a way knowing there are other options available that would still allow me to experience a pregnancy. At least the baby would still be genetically related to my husband.


On the other hand, it did feel like a huge blow. I'm 33, not 43. When we started to TTC 3 years ago, I did not imagine we'd be faced with this reality -that's one of the reasons we started trying when we were still well under 35.  Just a few months ago the same RE was confident he'd get me pregnant with IUI. Then it was IVF that would be the ultimate solution even if it took more than one try. How did we find ourselves getting the donor egg speech already? 

I know I need to stay focused on the cycle at hand, and who knows, we might just get lucky. However, here I am with a busy brain trying to wrap my head about this donor egg scenario. Would we look for an altruistic donor in Canada, and stay with our RE and clinic, or would we travel to a country where there are agencies set up to help match people and it is legal to pay a donor? Do I know anyone done having her family with eggs to spare? Would the donor be the same age as me (or even older than me) but just have better eggs? Would the child look at all like me? Would I bond with the baby the same?


I put out some feelers to a couple of women from ivf(dot)ca, and they were very helpful in answering some of those questions.  I look at it like a way of dipping my toe into the water to see what the temperature was like just to see if I'd be interested in going for a swim later. Of course I'd rather stay dry and go for a hike instead. However, since swimming may be in my cards, it's probably something I should know a little more about so I can file it away for later reference if needed. I don't need too much at this point about the finer details.  They offered some helpful advice, and I know I'm not going to be swimming alone in the dark if I do decide to make the leap into the water in the near future.


I'll file it all away for now, including this paper blog post to myself, and go through the motions of this cycle still with hope, but lowered expectations.

I'm tearing up now, while typing this out. I am still amazed every time I think back about just how fortunate we are that I got pregnant on that last ditch cycle my own eggs when we only had two to work with. Wow, what a crazy outcome to the the whole story.

Shopping

I've started accepting hand-me-downs from friends and doing a little bit of shopping for baby items. Who doesn't love a bargain!

This morning I stopped in at Zellers to get some toilet paper and found a nursing bra in my size (well my projected size) in the discount bin for $5.

I've also been following all the baby items posted on kijiji, Craig's List etc... and bought this little Snugli for $20. It's a colour that my DH will wear.

With the current size of my chest, it feels as if these photos are perfectly to scale!