15 March 2011
My first attempt at IVF was canceled right before retrieval due to a poor response. We came up with a plan to go ahead the next time with whatever number of follicles I had, to take some stress off the numbers game. Well, my next chance was canceled before even getting out of the starting gates due to a single dominant follicle. So a new plan was devised to get me to egg retrieval. Estrogen priming during my luteal phase, and then re-evalute my ovaries on the next day 2. It sounded simple enough, just monitor for a urine LH surge, and confirm ovulation with blood work before starting Estrace. So after 35 cycles of ovulating on day 12 or 13 my body decided to have a late ovulation around day 15 putting things in limbo for the past several days.
Today reached an all time peak of anxiety. I thought I would for sure hear from someone this morning about yesterday's blood results. I was so sick with worry when I didn’t. My brain went to the worst (maybe mt RE was waiting to call himself with the bad news). By noon I couldn’t stand it anymore and called and left a voicemail asking if they could call my cell to let me know what was going on. Finally this afternoon the nurse called back, and was chipper with good news. After 3 rounds of blood work and days of agonizing waiting for phone calls, I finally got the go ahead to start the Estrace on Thursday. Phew! I have reached step 1.
So now for the wait until my day 2 assessment where the chances of cancellation are actually greater. Why does it have to be this hard? If I'm going crazy now how am I going to get through the next several steps?
I need some better strategies for getting though this. It's only the beginning. Any ideas? Except please don't tell me "just think positive and everything will be fine". I need concrete doable things.
I suspect that you'll be thinking about this more than enough, so whether you think positive or not, you'll be thinking about it. So with that, I guess my suggestion will be simple, but likely hard at the same time - distraction. Whether it's a movie marathon, extra time at the gym, or walking outdoors... even work. Do what you can to distract your mind so your body can do it's work.Best of luckD
ReplyDeleteDesignerBug, 15 March 2011 - 06:40 PM
I was just going to suggest the same thing lol
supermom, 15 March 2011 - 06:43 PM
I'm with DB on this one. Find ways to distract yourself. Also, consider meditation cds. There are some great ones from Anjionline. If you can visualize your body doing its thing, it's helpful. I had cancellation anxiety during my second and last cycle. I found the cds to really help me.I hope that this is THE cycle for you SD! Good luck! You are off and running! :)
leigh14, 15 March 2011 - 08:00 PM
First off, great news for this setp!! hmm.... ivf.ca is a good distraction in some ways, but I think you need a departure from that! If you are feeling sexy... is that an option? I like to read Stuart MClean, or download the Vinyl Café -- short stories that are usually feel-good and light-hearted. Hang in there :)
rhubarb, 15 March 2011 - 08:17 PM
like the previous ladies said, distraction, in my experience is the key.. and i always hated it when people said 'think positive' ugh. what did they know? -keep yourself very busy with whatever you can- but it can't be 'self-starting' projects, as you'll get the 'anxiety-inertia' and you won't start... so book things in where others expect you to show up, don't leave yourself much time to think.. thought's are the devil's work at times.
karenbabyready, 15 March 2011 - 08:39 PM
I've so been there several times, and it's hard to escape the stress and thoughts, no matter what you do. When I was really stressed out I had trouble reading more than a page of a book at a time, work sucked, and I couldn't even run because my lungs felt so tight.Good company, and funny movies can help a little, and doing things that you are passionate about - things that make time stand still.Congrats on step #1!!!
impatient, 15 March 2011 - 10:36 PM
I've been having anxiety/anticipation issues just waiting to get to my April protocol so I understand where you are coming from. It's been helpful to me to focus on another goal so I don't watch the calendar obsessively. Good luck on Day 2!
ReplyDeletekat28, 16 March 2011 - 02:23 AM
Just keep busy...fill up your calendar to make time fly like the others suggested. But for me it was the middle of the night anxiety that is the worst. When/if that happens, get out of bed and sit in a chair for a few minutes and then concentrate on clearing your mind and breathe deeply. Hopefully that works. Take care...
LisainSK, 16 March 2011 - 05:18 AM
For me, one of the least trying waits I had was when I had some really fun things coming up that I was looking forward to. It helped to set little goals...2 days from now is one fun thing so then you are just waiting for 2 days (much more attainable than 2 weeks or a month), then once that was done, my next item was a couple days after that. I liked this method of breaking down the wait time into smaller increments of waiting for fun things to happen. It cost a little bit of money (one of my fun things was tickets to Cirque du Soleil - good timing) but it helped keep my sanity so I chalked it up to part of the cost of the cycle. This is Wed. Maybe make a plan for something really fun for this weekend - maybe a getaway to a B&B with DH? Your thoughts will easily shift to anticipating that (at least some of the time), giving your heart and head a break from the cycle. Good luck and yay! for step 1!
mollygirl21, 16 March 2011 - 05:49 AM
Thanks you guys. Believe it or not I actually do have a busy life outside of IVF (& ivf.ca :)) with full time work, outdoor sports, and social stuff with friends.The ski gods are blessing us with copious amounts of snow, so that's what DH and I will be doing this weekend. Rhubarb -love the suggestion about feeling sexy :0 Yep, no problem there, and I think this Estrace might just aid with that.Lisa hit the nail on the head about the middle of the night busy brain being the worst. This is when I pull out my ipod and listen to a podcast or meditation that is totally unrelated to TTC. I will see if I can get some of the vinyl cafe they are always funny. I do have the Anji CD for IVF, but found last time it was tough to listen to the guided voice talking about visualizing all the follicles growing and responding (when I had so few) and the embryos developing when we had none.We have a trip booked to New York City in May, so I'm reading up on things to do and see there.
silverdollar, 16 March 2011 - 06:56 AM
Phew! I'm so glad you are moving forward! I have no suggestions on how to get through all this, but all the ladies above seem to have some good suggestions. Good luck with your next step SD.
ReplyDeleteLMC, 16 March 2011 - 08:56 AM
"cancellation anxiety" is a prerequisite for being part of team PR! I held my breath every morning of every cycle waiting to see the results of bw & u/s. Hang in there!!!
kerrilyn, 16 March 2011 - 01:35 PM
Yes, I think cancellation anxiety is one of the Official Medical Symptoms associated with DOR! New York City! That's an excellent distraction. I was booking a trip to NYC yesterday too! i found it an excellent distraction mechanism. It's such a fun, interesting city. I hope you get to enjoy it while pregnant, but not with TOO much morning sickness. xo
conky, 17 March 2011 - 09:09 AM
sorry this is late... and i agree with distractions but at the risk of offering a less popular suggestion - and not to say that you aren't alreadydoing this - i think it could be good to mentally walk through whatyou will do if it is canceled again. not that you won't be shockedand crushed if it is, but i think if mentally you've walked yourselfthrough the possibility (again!), you can switch in to auto-mode if ithappens. and, of course, not that you need to LIVE in worst-case-scenario world, or dwell on it, or assume the worst - but perhapswalking through your next steps will help you 'in case of emergency.'i know that sounds terrible. but i find it helpful to say to myself:here's why i'll survive if they say XYZ. not that it wouldn't bedevastating, of course, but you know.i don't think for a second that "having hope" means you ONLY believethings will work. i think it's knowing that anything can happen and iwill survive no matter what. my hope isn't only in getting what iwant, it's much deeper and more stable than that. plus we all knowthat thinking positive (eye-roll) doesn't make babies!BUT all that being said, i want want want want want this to work!!!
tiffjo, 22 March 2011 - 06:07 PM