"Guess What? #2 is on the Way"

"Guess what? #2 is on the way" I heard this from two friends this week, and it stirred up a whole lot of feelings that caught me by surprise.

The first friend and I started trying at almost the exact same time, you know the friend that you think you'll have your babies around the same time, be on maternity leave together. Well, she got pregnant on her first try and now has a nearly 3 year old daughter, you know where my story goes. She mentioned to me the last time we got together in July that she was going to start trying for #2 because she's now 36 and it might not be as easy as the first time, and after what I went through, she doesn't want to waste time with her eggs getting older. Well, guess what, preggo again the first month they lost the birth control. Baby #2 is on the way in May. Wow -incredible. How does this happen to some people? It is just so far from my reality that I can't believe it actually happens, and happens twice at that!

Then this week, another friend announced she was joining me on the pregnancy train with her #2.  We got married the same summer but she wanted to wait until her honeymoon that winter to start TTC, while we got started right away. They booked a deluxe trip to Thailand and low and behold -she got the honeymoon baby she'd planned for, and we opted to for a low key/ cost local kayak trip for our honeymoon and years later we'd spent over $20 000 on fertility treatments and were still no closer to the dream. This time around she thought it would be better to have a spring baby than another fall baby, so they timed things to get pregnant during her summer vacation instead of in the winter. Seriously, planning the season of your child's birth! I wasn't able to even plan the year I'd be lucky enough to get pregnant if ever.

So, my reaction was mixed. Of course I am happy for them that things have worked out so well -I'd never wish infertility on anyone. I'm also looking forward to having a couple of friends whose maternity leaves overlap with my own, and to swap mommy chat with. On the other hand there was some of that deep seated raw pain leftover from years of feeling so sad and uncertain about my own situation when pregnancy announcements were made. That caught me by surprise because I'm so blessed to be pregnant, and soon to have a family of my own I thought I was past all of that. There have been other pregnancy announcements in the past few months that haven't resulted in this reaction. Is it because these two friends are already on to having their second children, and barring some sort of miracle conception, this will be our one and only? I know I shouldn't compare, and a truly do feel so lucky and blessed that we are getting the opportunity to be parents. It really does far outweigh any negative feelings. I guess I just need to acknowledge that the ghosts of IF are still hiding in the closet, ready to pop out for a visit every now and again. They are never going to completely go away, but hopefully will make less frequent appearances, and fade away more easily.