I've now stopped mentioning in general company that I am expecting. I've just had far too many negative responses that I've decided it's not worth it. I know at 18 weeks keeping this under wraps is not going to last long
before it's pretty obvious and I won't have to tell people
because the baby will do that him/herself. Right now Anika makes a great bump cover :)
Honestly after the outpouring
of positive responses I'd get when pregnant last year, it's a factor that I wasn't
anticipating. I find it so interesting really that there is such a shift. I guess most
people have a hard time with anything that is out of the normal birth
spacing.
This past week at one of Anika's little classes one of the other moms point blank asked me if I was crazy and that's not the first time I've heard that comment. How does a gal respond to that? -Nope, the last time I checked my head was screwed on most of the way or my psychiatrist says I'm all good now.
The most common comment I've heard is how busy/tired/stressed I'm going to be with the underlying implication that I won't be able to handle it all somehow. That one is not as offensive, but it does get annoying. I know it's not going to be easy, but I couldn't imagine the alternative of still being stuck in the fertility treatment trenches with no idea how long the deployment would last and whether or not we'd ever escape with a child. Now if you want to experience tired, busy, and stressed try doing that for a few years of your life and see how many grey hairs you get.
We went to a birthday party yesterday for a 3 year old sibling of one of our stroller-fit baby friends. Of course out of 8 other moms there, 4 were pregnant with their second babies, and the other 3 already had two little ones about 2.5-3 years apart. I almost joined in the preggo convo, but stopped myself just as the topic of spacing came up. I was sure to be judged and told what torture I was setting myself up for. Luckily I can still pass for one of those people who wasn't so lucky with postpartum weight loss ;)
I suppose I could go into a long spiel about how exceptionally lucky we are to have one child much less a second on the way, or how for a few of us there is no such thing as having the luxury to plan a pregnancy. Seeing as I don't know these moms outside of this context, it just feels like something I don't want to delve into.
So, I guess I need to get better at ignoring the comments or come up with some witty come backs... because I've got 5 more months to endure this. Then when the new baby is here I'm sure there will be even more. Sigh...
For what it's worth, I'm jealous of the spacing. Might have been a bit quick if I could choose, but I would rather my kids be close together than far apart and at the rate we're going, they're going to be farther apart that I would have chosen if I had a choice.
ReplyDeleteYou know though, I bet that no matter what the spacing or how many kids or anything, there will always be people making stupid comments. If you knew this baby was another girl, you'd get comments about how you should be having a boy, and vice versa. I've decided that people making idiotic comments must be a national sport, just like talking about the weather.
Maybe you are onto something. Perhaps these people are actually jealous that we actually had enough of a sex life back at 7 months post-partum to conceive!
ReplyDeleteBTW I have strong feelings that I've got another girl in there, and I'd be thrilled with that and so would Anika but I dread to think of all the awful comments about not having a boy. We'll hopefully get to see in a couple of weeks.
OMG! People are just so negative and have to comment and think out loud. I vote for a snappy come-back that puts them in their place! Of course I am not witty enough to tell you what that is. Maybe just ...no, not crazy, but very very lucky! Sigh** makana
ReplyDeleteYou just can't win it seems! The most important thing is that the normal fertiles have no clue at just how incredibly special your second pg is (miraculous really) so don't sweat it as your IF sistas know and understand and that's all that matters ;)
ReplyDeletePeople are truely unbelievable! We were hoping for another one before our first turned 2. Unfortunately, that attempt was not successful. So they will be spaced farther apart.
ReplyDeleteKnowing me I would come back with...did not realize there were sibling spacing governance....so since you seem to be the governing body I will need your contact info so I can call you when we start having sex again so YOU can plan what is right for MY family!!!!
A friend of mine gets the "your hands are going to be very full" comment frequently and she just changes it in her head to "my heart is going to be very full" and smiles and nods. I love this! I've decided to adopt it myself. I think it would also make a very good response.
ReplyDeletePeople are really just jealous. My kids are 13 months apart and I love it! Sure, it's a lot of work initially, but so are twins. My kids are super-close and also have the same friends. I say enjoy it and FLAUNT IT! :)
ReplyDeleteJust tell them that you are planning to love every minute of it...and leave it at that. It makes you look like supermom...flying through the city fighting crime (or at least fighting dirty diapers ;-).
ReplyDelete