The Spot Check

24 June 2010

I’ve become obsessed with my toilet paper. I make more frequent trips to the washroom than I need to just to do the spot check. Who knew that there could be so much involved with checking for spotting. So far for this cycle there has been no spotting yet but I'm on the lookout. Usually it goes something like this:

Whew, safe the TP is clear. Wait a minute, is that tinged slightly pinkish, or is that the lighting in here? Oh nuts it’s getting darker. It’s still early enough to maybe be implantation spotting. OK, now it is red and a panty-liner is needed. When do I pick up the phone and call in my day 1? Oh, looks like it’s stopped again. Google spotting and pregnancy -lots of women spot in the early stages of pregnancy. Ignore the rest of what the search turns up about polyps, fibroids, and gynecological cancer. Conclusion -spotting means nothing conclusive.

Call the clinic. They ask when your period started. Well, um that’s why I’m calling, I don’t really know. You describe your toilet paper adventures at length. The nurse concludes -just spotting. You can feel her rolling her eyes on the other end of the phone -how can a woman who has menstruated for over half her life not know when her period started? She says to call back when you get a real period. More TP checks. Oh when does this end? After AF, it moves into checking the cervical fluid. Oh, that looks like egg white, no maybe not it’s too early to ovulate. Oh, maybe that is ovulation spotting? Around and around it goes.