It's All in the Cards

15 June 2010

After receiving the devastating news of the low ovarian reserve this weekend, I am frankly overwhelmed by the support I received from everyone here, and from the friends and family that are in my inner support circle. How do people cope when they keep everything private? I now have people lining up to come to the clinic with my if Hubs can't. Soon I'm going to have to get them to take a number! I also have a kind offer from a friend who has recently done the injectables to come over to help me get it right the first time.

I took yesterday off work as a "sick" day to collect myself emotionally. Hubs cooked dinner, took care of the flat tire, and did the laundry. I took a nap (I guess sleeping from 11pm to 3 am is not a good way to feel rested). I also went for a walk (for the record clinic: it was a gentle stroll) with my friend and her 4 month old adopted son who has been down this IF road before. After a lot of crying, I feel better today. I think I'll be able to hold it together to be at work with all the belly rubbing pregos and other people's babies.

Sunday was all about shock and disbelief, yesterday was purely sadness, today I'm actually quite angry that nobody listened to my concerns and questions about this before, and that the news was delivered while I was in the stirrups. All normal phases of grief & loss, right. Hopefully soon I'll come to the acceptance phase. These are the cards I've been dealt. Even though my deck is smaller that the normal 52, it's all about how you play them. They do believe that I still have some of the highest value face cards to work with. We just have to be more strategic in using them wisely.

Thank you also to whoever it was that reminded me that I am PUPO -wow, I've never been that before! Maybe, just maybe, my one ace of an egg has been fertilized and is snuggling in right now for a 9 month nap.

One foot in front of the other. If today I can focus on getting through today, then tomorrow I can focus on tomorrow.