AF Letter again

31 May 2010

My dearest great niece,
I am once again nearing my next visit to the island, it’s been nearly 4 weeks I was last there. I am most looking forward to my stay again as always. I did receive your last letter, but I know you don’t really want me not to visit you anymore, so I’ve booked another ticket for just shy of a week at your beautiful home.
I have the laptop you gave me, and have tried to use this new “e-mail and Skype” technology, but to he honest, I can’t remember how to work it. There are just so many steps involved, it’s too much for my aging brain to cope with. It just doesn’t replace a face to face visit with my lovely niece and nephew-in-law.
Besides I always enjoy my little chat with the stork at the post office every month when go there to send my letter. By the way, I put the bug in his ear and he says he’s getting around to bringing you a baby as soon as his load of regular letters lightens up a bit. It just may be a little while because he is so busy.
I'll see you again very soon...
Sincerely,
Florence

Auntie Florence,
We received your recent letter, and want you to understand that we really are serious about asking you to take a break from your visits for a while. I know you are already en-route, so we’ll make the best of this visit, but be advised that after this visit, we will be having the locks on the doors changed. We will also be hiring a young lad to come by your place once per week to give you lessons on using the laptop to e-mail and Skype.
When you use the overworked stork service to deliver your handwritten letters, it actually prevents them from being able to deliver the babies to where they are most wanted.
Since you have not respected last month’s notice, consider this your final notice of eviction. We have been in touch with some experts in this field, and advise you that all communications will now take place through this mediator and not directly with us. We would be most appreciative if we can resolve this conflict with this lower cost approach, but if needed we’ll hire more expensive help.
Less warm regards,
Your great-niece Silver$