More Mother's Day Musings

09 May 2010

Like all of us have experienced, the week leading up to Mother's Day has been filled with hurtful comments and reminders that I am still not, despite all our efforts, a member of the mommy club. Aunt flo is still camping out, providing yet another reminder and making me more sensitive than usual.
So, I could sit around and feel sorry for myself or I could choose do something else this weekend. I decided to spend some time with a long time close friend celebrating her very first Mother's Day. She has such a good reason to celebrate -her 3 month old miracle son. She and her husband began their journey 7 years ago, and were told fairly early on that their only hope for ART would be to use donor eggs and donor sperm with a surrogate carrier. They took a step back and asked why they would do all that when the could "just adopt" and have a guaranteed baby. Well, as many of you know there is no such thing as "just adopting". It is a long and drawn out process, often coming with a more expensive price tag than ART. After a year's worth of classes and getting their paper work together and spending 5 more years on a never ending wait list for China, an opportunity came up with a local baby. They developed a relationship with the birth mother, attended the birth, and spend two days at the hospital with the baby. Then as they were leaving the hospital the social worker delivered them the most devastating news -the birth mom had changed her mind and wanted to keep the baby.
They had to drive home from the hospital with an empty carseat in the back of the car, and come home to congratulatory flowers and messages and phone calls from people who hadn't yet heard their devastating news. After years of holding back on purchasing anything baby related they now had an empty crib in a baby room full of clothes and toys. They were left trying to process their grief, anger, hurt and sadness. I remember taking over food so they wouldn't forget to eat, and offering a shoulder to cry on. Then four days later they received another call asking them to come and pick up the baby -the birth mom had decided she couldn't do it (for now at least, she still had 30 days to change her mind again). After an agonizing wait, they passed this milestone and threw a huge party to celebrate.
She tells me it still doesn't feel real that she is finally a mom. I'm sure it will take time to sink in. Her son is one very lucky little guy to have such a wonderful mom and dad who never gave up on their quest to parenthood. When someone with her experience tells you to "hang in there, some day you'll be a mother" it is not empty words of encouragement. When I think of everything that she went through, this sure puts these upcoming fertility treatments into perspective for me.
Wishing everyone here a Happy Mother's Day today whether you are a mother, or want desperately to be one in the future.