Mother-Daughter Bonding

01 August 2010

A while back Hubs was not able to go to one of my fertility clinic appointments, and my mom offered to come along with me. I have to say it was the ultimate mother daughter bonding experience. It went something like this:

Mom, I’d like to introduce you to Dr. H, the man who will get me pregnant. And you thought it would be your son in law, nope just his sperm. The real action will be in the hands of this man. He’s got a great track record with hundreds of women before me becoming pregnant from his actions.

Yes, the clinic is private, and we are paying for the services we receive there... yes, we are still in Canada. And yes, that single needle just cost me $500.

Dr. H ultimately calls the shots in the bedroom, advising us on what days to have & not have intercourse. Yes mom, I know you don’t like to think about it but I am not a virgin anymore.

They get close up views of the inside of me with this fancy ultrasound. Yes, that wand goes in there, mom. No, it doesn’t hurt. Ha, and you thought you’d just sit back and watch. Nope, he wants to question you about your pregnancies and menopause too.

On the drive home we got talking about how much has changed in one generation. In her prime childbearing years, in those days before the age of 30 when the pelvic bones would be said to “set” making delivery more difficult, she never gave much thought about getting pregnant. It just sort of happened. There was not much to speak of in terms of prenatal care, no ultrasounds, no tests to be run. She said she remembered only wondering if she was carrying a boy or a girl. It would have never crossed her mind that there might be a complication. Dad was allowed into the delivery room much to the chagrin of a few nurses disapproving of this new-age practice. As they left the hospital 5 days later (following a normal healthy vaginal delivery) the staff thought they were being overprotective new parents when they insisted on taking us home safely strapped into our carseats.

After having me and my brother in her twenties, she figured that would be it for children (remember the bone setting thing?). Then at 42 and perimenopausal, ooops there was a birth control failure and another surprise was in the works. That pregnancy was night and day different from her first two. She had an obstetrician following her closely, and opted for all of the testing including amniocentesis and one of the first ever CVS tests done at BC Women’s Hospital. She knew the gender of the baby long before giving birth (revolutionary at that time). She ultimately delivered by c-section and was discharged home after 3 days. The nurses scrubbed my dad in and gloved him up so he could participate in the birth. The carseat was mandatory and had to be checked prior to leaving the hospital.

I feel fortunate to have the relationship I do with my mom. I truly believe coming along with me has given her a better understanding of what this experience is like. Before this, I don’t think she could wrap her head around it at all. It really is quite mind blowing to think of how far reproductive technology has come in a few short years. It is only going to improve. In the future we will look back on how archaic it all seemed. I hope some day I will have the kind of relationship to support my own children through whatever challenges they may face.