13 November 2010
About a month ago my 82 year old grandmother had a stroke. Initially she did really well regaining her physical function quite quickly. In the last couple of weeks however, she started going down hill cognitively. Now she's confusing fantasy and reality and is having these delusional episodes. So they think that the stroke did some damage to that area of the brain, and it’s just something she’s going to have to live with. It is different from some types of dementia because she still does know who we are when we go to visit. She is in hospital waiting for a bed to open up in a care facility and actually looking forward to getting into a placement, but because her needs are complex, it might be a while (months). Before she had this stroke she was so with it and vibrant. It is so sad to watch this decline.
I am acutely aware of how much I want grandparents to be a part of my own kids lives. My parents and inlaws are getting older too. I want them to be able to spend as many quality years with their grandkids as they possibly can. There are no grandchildren on either side. I know they desperately want to be grandparents as much as we want to be parents. As heartbreaking as it is to hear the results of all these failed cycles for ourselves, it is even more heartbreaking to have to deliver the sad news to the would be grandparents.
It makes me question a lot of things myself. If I'd just started TTC at 29 instead of 31 maybe things would be different? Maybe they wouldn't. How do my parents feel when they are at a social event where everyone is talking about their grandchildren and showing off photos? Who will look after me when I am 82 if I never have any kids?
I think about the same things.
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impatient, 13 November 2010 - 09:28 AM
HUGS
supermom, 13 November 2010 - 12:20 PM
I often wish that we hadn't waited one year after we were married to start TTC. I had no idea it would take this long and still be no closer to starting an IVF cycle than we were 2 years ago.
dawnkey, 13 November 2010 - 05:46 PM
If I had a silverdollar for every time I had the same thoughts. At 33 I thought I'd achieved it all and would start TTC, if I known then that it would take 6 years and a miracle....
Someone recently said that grandparents may become a thing of the past if people keep waiting so long to have kids (thanks, I didn't set out to leave it this late!)....
Don't put additional pressure on yourself on their account, I'm sure they would hate that. At 29 maybe, like me, you just weren't ready and had other priorities. Good luck with carehome for Gran.
Kiwi, 13 November 2010 - 06:00 PM
Oh, I've thought about all of these things too. For sure. I'm so sorry about your grandma. It's so sad and difficult to see someone lose their mental faculties. I'm glad she still knows all of you, though, and I hope she finds a placement sooner than expected.
conky, 14 November 2010 - 11:03 AM
Hugs, Silverdollar. Your loved ones want the best for you more than anything, and certainly the burden you bear with your DH is much greater compared to their wanting grandchildren. Try not to take on their emotions as well, as hard as that is, when you are such a caring person. Best wished to your Grandma. :)
rhubarb, 14 November 2010 - 12:37 PM
I think about the same things, all the "missed opportunities" and the time with my own dad and grandmother that our hope-to-be-child will never know. the sh***y thing is that time marches on and we can't do anything about it. Don't beat yourself up for your decisions. You made them with the best of intentions which is alot more than can be said for how some children come to this world.You are wonderfully human, embrace this!
If you want someone to take care of you when you are 82, you can always call me cause I might need the company!
mominthemaking, 15 November 2010 - 07:40 PM