28 July 2010
Things seem to be breaking all around me recently.
Last month my beloved car died. She was a 1992 Toyota Corolla with nearly 400,000 km on her odometer. This little car really didn't owe me anything, but the timing for her to pack it in was very untimely. The day we were at the clinic for the last IUI, my mechanic called with a quote of $1362.00 for a new clutch. The IUI cycle came to $1285.00 so it was a no brainer where that money needed to go. We decided that my car just isn't worth adding more money into, and probably the best thing to do would be to sell it for parts. Right now it's just sitting in my driveway in the "too hard" pile because I don't want to deal with it.
We took money off our mortgage a few months ago to set aside for fertility treatments. I keep hoping that I'll get pregnant with IUI and be able to spend that money on a replacement car (maybe even one from this millennium). For now we will juggle with one vehicle until the end of the summer, because by then we will know for sure whether we are on the IVF train or not. It's a real challenge because both Hubbie and I use our vehicles for site visits for our jobs. It's actually written into my contract that I must have a vehicle in good working order for my job. I'm really not sure what we're going to do, but I'm trusting that something will work out.
Then my husband fell off his bike and broke his right arm near the elbow. He's off work and splinted for at least 4 weeks before he has another x-ray. I guess that solved the car problem for the short term, but has presented a whole host of other challenges.
I also feel broken as a woman. I've got all the parts, but something is just not working right. Nobody seems to know exactly what the problem is, and the fixes are like lucky shots in the dark. Unlike a broken arm you can't just expect it to repair itself and unlike a car there's no selling it for parts and getting a replacement.
Anyway, for now I'll just have to keep following along and doing what I'm directed to do. Tonight I start my injectable stims again. In a few weeks I'll know whether I'll get a baby and a car, or an IVF attempt.
Last month my beloved car died. She was a 1992 Toyota Corolla with nearly 400,000 km on her odometer. This little car really didn't owe me anything, but the timing for her to pack it in was very untimely. The day we were at the clinic for the last IUI, my mechanic called with a quote of $1362.00 for a new clutch. The IUI cycle came to $1285.00 so it was a no brainer where that money needed to go. We decided that my car just isn't worth adding more money into, and probably the best thing to do would be to sell it for parts. Right now it's just sitting in my driveway in the "too hard" pile because I don't want to deal with it.
We took money off our mortgage a few months ago to set aside for fertility treatments. I keep hoping that I'll get pregnant with IUI and be able to spend that money on a replacement car (maybe even one from this millennium). For now we will juggle with one vehicle until the end of the summer, because by then we will know for sure whether we are on the IVF train or not. It's a real challenge because both Hubbie and I use our vehicles for site visits for our jobs. It's actually written into my contract that I must have a vehicle in good working order for my job. I'm really not sure what we're going to do, but I'm trusting that something will work out.
Then my husband fell off his bike and broke his right arm near the elbow. He's off work and splinted for at least 4 weeks before he has another x-ray. I guess that solved the car problem for the short term, but has presented a whole host of other challenges.
I also feel broken as a woman. I've got all the parts, but something is just not working right. Nobody seems to know exactly what the problem is, and the fixes are like lucky shots in the dark. Unlike a broken arm you can't just expect it to repair itself and unlike a car there's no selling it for parts and getting a replacement.
Anyway, for now I'll just have to keep following along and doing what I'm directed to do. Tonight I start my injectable stims again. In a few weeks I'll know whether I'll get a baby and a car, or an IVF attempt.
So sorry that everything seems to be going wrong for you right now. The good news is that things always start to improve eventually and I hope that happens for you sooner than later!
ReplyDeleteAmes, 28 July 2010 - 07:40 AM
I totally understand how you feel. It sux when everything happens all at once. I was in the same boat last year around May. Our IVF cycle that we thought had worked ended in a miscarriage, my car and DH's car had $1200 worth of repair to get it in working order and to top things off my company decided that rather than laying people off we would all just tough it out together and take a major pay cut. It was a lot to process at once, but trust me it does get better with time. Just hang tight and surround yourself with the people you love!
marin, 28 July 2010 - 07:48 AM
Hang in there! Fingers crossed for you to get your baby and a new car :)
kerrilyn, 28 July 2010 - 08:15 AM
I can totally, 100% relate to this. when we went through fertility treatments, we had all sorts of things go wrong... cars dying, dogs needing big vet bills, our insurance refusing to pay for anything after saying they would. ack.
I can relate to the broken feeling. It's a horrible, horrible place to be to feel broken with no way to explain it and no way to really figure out how told solve it, at least when you get an official diagnoses, it makes it a little easier then not knowing "at all" whats wrong.
At least if you have a specific thing wrong, there's plans you can make to work around it, or fix it, or whatever, but when you just "don't know" its like sitting in a room in the dark with out knowing where the light switch is.... no way to know how to turn it on and you have to feel all over the walls in an attempt to find it.
our IUI cycles cost us about 2500-5000 a pop down in the USA. with medication, screening fees, blood tests, ultra sounds, gas and ferry money to get there. If I had to have surgery before hand to remove any cysts... :/
It added up *really* really fast.
kajira, 28 July 2010 - 09:05 AM
T - You are not broken. You're experiencing challenges getting pregnant but you aren't broken. I've been there though - that feeling is horrible. If you need to talk, you have many friends on this site that love and support you.
I've tried to turn things around for myself by thinking of the challenges as ways for us to become stronger. And, I try to focus on the end result, you know? That whether we become parents through science, adoption or by some miracle - naturally... then we will appreciate our children that much more knowing how much we had to fight for them. I wouldn't say love them more, because you can't measure a parents love for a child... but appreciate their mere existence.
I'm sending you big virtual hugs and lots of love today, T...
dawnkey, 28 July 2010 - 09:15 AM
Why is that when it rains it pours?? So sorry to hear of your troubles silverdollar...take care and hoping things will work out soon.
ReplyDeleteLisainSK, 28 July 2010 - 09:33 AM
Wow, I wish I could sell my 'broken' Fallopian tubes! How much do you think I could get? :)
Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. Things WILL get better.
impatient, 28 July 2010 - 11:03 AM
Sending hugs.
smc, 28 July 2010 - 12:16 PM
Thanks! You guys are great. People IRL just don't understand why we can't just go out and get another car.
DH is going to do some digging this afternoon to see what we can get for the car as is. It's one thing he can do with his broken arm.
Impatient -I think you could maybe get 50 bucks for the pair of tubes. You never know? LOL that would be a funny buy sell & trade add!
Things will turn around. Maybe a baby and a car will just fall out of the sky land in my lap? Even if we are not successful in the end, I can at least know that we gave it a really good try.
silverdollar, 28 July 2010 - 12:26 PM
Only $50!? That won't go far.
I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that the car breaking down is a sign. Remember how someone told me that old cars aren't baby seat compatible ...? :)
impatient, 28 July 2010 - 01:02 PM