Hard Drug User

02 July 2010

Well it’s official I am becoming a hard drug user! I got the call today, minutes before the clinic closed, giving me the green light to start my injections tonight. I'm done with the gateway soft drugs, and moving on to the heavy stuff. Here we go!

My drug dealer sold me the goods a couple of days back and have been waiting for the go ahead. The exchange of money for drugs was made with low voices though a special window in the wall. They packaged everything on a cold pack for me and wrapped it in a nicely concealed brown bag to smuggle my precious purchase home. When we stopped for lunch enroute home I brought my package in with me, there was no way I was going to leave that sitting in the car only for some thief to steal it and re-sell it on the fertility black market. Then I nearly left it sitting in the restaurant after lunch -oops.

My little package did safely arrive home and I made a place for it in my fridge. The nurse advised that it should be kept in the middle of the fridge, not at the back or in the door. Every time I open the fridge door to get something it’s the only thing I see. I have to resist cracking the box open. I now know how an addict feels when they’ve got the drugs and want to shoot up right away. Soon I’ll get my fix, I just have to be patient. I was only allowed to purchase the first 3 doses, just enough to get me hooked, then I’ll have to go back to my dealer for more next week.

After being silent for a long time about all this IF stuff, my dad has all of a sudden jumped on board. He announced the other day that if I needed help with my injections he would swallow his fear of needles to come over and do it for me. I was flattered, but politely declined his offer. I think he was incredibly relieved. My dad is legally blind and faints when he even thinks about getting a shot. I could only imagine the possible disasters that could ensue with that combination of aliments and a Gonal-F pen! DH has an erratic work schedule, so we knew going into this that I would be the one doing my own injections. No biggie.

It's funny that everyone else makes a big deal of the shots. I keep trying to explain it's not the prick of the needle that scares me, but getting a lousy response that does. That is a much harder thing for someone else to grasp I suppose. For them having to give themselves a needle would be the worst thing they can imagine. I just see the injections as a more expensive lottery ticket, but one with slightly better odds.