05 January 2011
I know it is only just January, and I just got back to work after the holidays, but it's already on my mind. Maybe some of you can help me sort this out.
Some background:
- I live about a 2 hour drive each way from my clinic, so each appointment no matter how minor requires taking at least a half day off, not just being a few minutes late in the morning.
- I have a physical job that requires lifting, bending etc.
- My job is also very emotionally demanding... and I work with babies every day. I find it most difficult when I have to switch from my IF life (especially after bad news in the stirrups) back to my work life.
- Anything more than a couple of days off in a row will require an excuse note from a doctor.
- Fortunately, before IF, I rarely took sick time and have about 6 weeks banked up.
- There are no fill in's when people are away, so others have to pick up the pieces or things get left making a lot to catch up on when you do get back.
I don't wish to share what is really going on for a whole host of reasons, mainly that I have nosy co-workers and I really do not want to have people asking me about my lack of baby making abilities in that environment because I need to hold it together while I am at work. I also do not want to be open for someone else's judgment about what is an acceptable medical reason to take time off. (Luv2cake's situation is a fine example).
I have never told an outright fib though.
In April I had my laparoscopy/hysteroscopy and took 1.5 weeks off for the recovery using a note from my ObGyn.
With my IUI's I took several half days for all the ultrasounds as "medical appointments", and the days of the IUI's I called in sick, except for the one that happened on a Sunday. These were all over the summer when it is less noticeable to be away.
With the last IVF cycle in October, my GP wrote me a note that I needed to be off for "medical reasons" and I simply said I was having more procedures. My supervisor assumed it was another surgery and referred to it as that. Then she started asking me a ton of questions about my medical problems and my "surgery" and I finally had to ask her to back off and tell her that it was private and I did not want to talk about it. I was off for 3 full weeks, and as it turned out even though the cycle fell apart and I didn't need it for the procedures that got canceled, I needed most of that time to emotionally collect myself. I did end up crawling back a bit earlier than expected.
So Feb 8th I have another operative hysteroscopy scheduled and the plan is to try another IVF cycle a few weeks later in early March. On Monday I have a pre-op appointment with my GP and I'm going to have to present another note asking for a week off for the surgery in February.
So that leaves me with what to do about the March IVF. What kind of excuse can I possibly come up with this time? No human being has that much "surgery" in a short time. Should I try to take a chunk of time off again, or just do the half days for the ultrasounds (that's assuming they are all good news and I can face holding babies right away after)? Then there is the time for the procedures assuming I get that far next time. I hesitate to schedule anything ahead of time just in case. How much are you allowed to lift and do physically after an ET? That's my main concern about being at work during that part of the cycle. I might just have to suddenly fall ill, or have an "injury", but I don't want to get caught in a lie and end up having more of a mess to sort out. AND as much as I am hoping for the March IVF to be the magic one, I know it might not be and further cycles might be in my future.
Your input is appreciated. Thanks!
Man, that's a toughie. Do you have benefits to go on short-term disability? That way you can take February and March off to relax and recover and not have to be burdened emotionally by having to work with babies...I wish I could offer more help. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteBaxie, 05 January 2011 - 09:34 AM
I'm a fan of truthful but vague. You have another procedure scheduled in February and depending on how that goes there may be some follow-up appointments in March. If there are questions it is not life-threatening but as you can imagine spending this much time at the doctor's is stressful so I'd rather not talk about it. (Around male bosses and coworkers hints of it being of a gynecological nature help end the conversation but I'm guessing you work with women.)In March I think I would find some way to say that lifting is a problem and that's why you need medical leave. You need a back story for that though - not a lie but having in mind that you could be talking about ivf or you could be talking about [another condition]. All I can think of at the moment is hernia surgery but that's a guy thing. Perhaps all your appointments could be due to some back problem? I dunno.
tabby, 05 January 2011 - 09:48 AM
I like Baxie's idea of going on short-term disability. May be you could use sick days for the hysteroscopy but get short-term disability for the IVF. I know what you mean about nosey co-workers....either way, they will still wonder what the heck is going on but they can just keep on wondering.
Z12, 05 January 2011 - 10:26 AM
I was told no lifting of more than 10-20lbs towards the end of stims and for a few days after ER, and to take it very easy on ET day. BUT ... I have a feeling that the lifting thing applies more to the ladies that get lots of follies because I never felt that lifting caused any straining or discomfort.When I was cycling, I suddenly developed a 'sore back' which got me out of lifting at work, conveniently got re-injured when necessary, and also explained why I wasn't able to run or do other sports I usually do.But in my case, I didn't have to provide a medical note for work, so it was a little easier to fib.I think in your case it's the emotional aspect that'll be the most challenging, working with babies and all. Do you need to provide an exact reason to use up your sick days, or could you just say 'it's a female thing that needs treatment and I'd rather not go into detail'?
impatient, 05 January 2011 - 12:00 PM
Are you allowed any planned vacation time off, say 2 weeks in Aruba? Just thinking if you can take 2 weeks planned off at the exact right time and feign illness around that as needed for appts? Then if you end up pregnant everyone will just assume you needed a vacation to get knocked up...lol. And you could always say with all these surgeries I just need to get away and relax?
tmariederm, 05 January 2011 - 12:46 PM
I would be honest with who you have to request the time off with. When you have already taken so many half days etc. they know something is up (hence the snooping around with questions). If you go to them and ask for privacy in your information, they should be more inclined not to add to the rumours, which people participate in and begin once you are away with no clear reason as to why you are away.Your employer will also understand some of your strange behaviour, fear off lifting, tearful moments, and will often help cover your tracks with your coworkers. (perhaps I'm assuming you have a nice supervisor...but information like this, may build a better understanding between you and your supervisor)I find when an employee tells me what their medical issues (though it's their right not to), I'm more flexible about their schedule, I work with them better, combining sick days with vacation days. When I get a note from occupational health and safety stating 'medical reasons' I'm more aggressive in finding when they will return, what are their restrictions, why they are giving my such late notice...
ReplyDeletewill it happen, 05 January 2011 - 12:47 PM
Would your GP put you off on stress leave while you cycle? Hopefully you can find a solution where you won't have to worry about working while cycling. Best of luck!
Emily81, 05 January 2011 - 01:23 PM
Thanks everyone!To date I have been truthful but vague and think this really is the best way to keep it. My surgery and biopsy in February will dictate my treatments in March. Maybe I'll see what my GP suggests on Monday.An exact reason is not required, and I would really prefer not to get into the details with my employer. I don't have an overly supportive supervisor and actually think it might make things a lot worse if I disclosed. She is the first level of approval and then there are two more people above her that oversee it so there wouldn't be much if any privacy left. For me it has nothing to do with being embarrassed about IF, it's more the endless questions, and potential judgments I don't want to have to cope with. Work is the one place I can pretend things are somewhat normal.All sick time must be used up prior to applying for short term disability, so that is not an option. I also don't think having months off is a great thing.Using my vacation time is an option, but then I'd have no holiday time left at all for the rest of the year. After multiple fertility treatments that time off for fun is so precious.The lifting part is going to be really hard. A supposed back injury might land me in a WCB back rehab program. But I may not even have to worry about it being a poor responder.Hmmm...
silverdollar, 05 January 2011 - 01:26 PM
I think the idea of being truthful but vague is a good idea. The more people know the more they tend to judge. I think the idea of using short term disability is a good one. That's what I did! I got a vague note from my GP (I needed time off for medical reasons) and then presented it to my employer. A few days were counted as sick days but the remaining days were short-term disability. Good luck.
leigh14, 05 January 2011 - 02:35 PM
I would simply say you the need the time for a "medical procedure". Which is true, but vague enough that it could be pretty much anything and could encompass any amount of time as well, both in the days before and after and whatever. Sounds like you're either in the health care or child care field, so chances of them being sympathetic to health-related stuff is pretty good, at least in my experience (and I hope in yours).
frostedlemon, 05 January 2011 - 03:18 PM
Wow popular topic this month! LOL I just had to make the same decision! My situation is fairly similar (jobs sound very alike!)I however didn't have as much time to think about it! (Either cycle this month - starting sunday - or wait until next month!) I had confided in my supervisors only at work and now regret how much information i have given them (based on judgement and just more people to "disappoint" with every BFN!) If I were you I would remain as vague as you can get away with! I'm not sure I can help with excuses (as I chickened out with that part and went to the truth!) Maybe in march you'll have an "infection" from your february procedure!? That might get you some time off. As I also had a long travel time for monitoring (1.5 each way) it was completely exhausting but if i had to do it again (this time we are doing a FET) I would suffer through that time as much as you can and take off the 2WW. I believe this is the most crucial time to relax your body and mind to get that BFP we all want!!! Good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteBorn2B, 05 January 2011 - 05:01 PM
I didn't tell my principal for a long time and just kept asking for sick days. After awhile they started to suspect something was up (some people on staff misused sick days) so I went to just him and came clean, I'm going for fertility, that's it. Turned out his sister in law tried for years unsucessfully so he was very sympathetic and always backed me up if anyone questioned the days without the other staff knowing.Good luck with you choice.
Babyshoes2011, 05 January 2011 - 08:08 PM
Once you give out information it can't be taken back. I think I'm leaning toward asking for the one week for the surgery ahead of time, and then waiting and seeing how the IVF cycle stuff goes along day by day. Once they have that egg retrieval needle in hand, I'll take some more sick time.
silverdollar, 05 January 2011 - 10:09 PM
I think your plan is a good one. Personally, if you have any doubt about your supervisor, I would NOT TELL for any reason. If necessary, get a note that says "off for so many days and no lifting over 5 pounds for so many days". Legally, they have to aoccommodate that restriction unless it is virtually impossible in which case, you can take sick days.
Sweetheart, 06 January 2011 - 12:18 AM
I like your plan. I tried not to tell my management and HR anything but ended up telling too much. I worked at a small company of about 30 people. Rumors started I was pregnant and the general manager even pulled me into his office to ask if i was having a baby for my sister!?!?! So I ended up telling more people the short truth because who knows what else they were saying lols,I'm on my third attempt now and actually had a great boss who let me take a 6 month leave of absence. Not paid of course (which is hard and we are using my husbands benefits for drug coverage). My job was very stressful and I had to travel and there wasn't anyone to cover for me so they hired a temp to replace me. I was actually covering my job plus the workload of coworker who was gone for 6 months and they didn't hire a temp - it was just me. I do regret telling them as much info as I did because it's not really their business and I don't want to come back to questions when I return especially if it hasn't worked. I'm to go back in March. I understand that working with young children is difficult. To pass time between cycles I volunteered at a daycare beside my house. On the infant and toddler floor. I wasn't used to that environment so I have been sick since the middle of Nov lol but its also in your face every day. I love the kids and am considering getting my ECE but am working on my real estate license so it was great for me to find out what it's like. But it was also hard especially with the parent who aren't exactly stellar parents. Made me a little angry that they could have kids and it seems like they can't really be bothered with them and I really want them and am having such troubles. The one good thing about volunteering was that one woman there is also doing the injections at my clinic, her first round, so we were able to talk a bit and it was pretty open there and no one seemed to have issues working around her appointments (I have to say she's only been there a month though so we'll see if that continues). I wish you all the best. I know it's hard and time consuming especially with your drive.
ReplyDeleteandrea14, 06 January 2011 - 08:45 AM